This topic popped up this morning for me and I said, “Yes, I have a lot to say about it.”
Oh boy! Where should I start? Personally, I can tell you how scared I’ve become of people when I realised that jealousy had and has fingers… Oh, yes … you know what I mean. I know you have been in contact with it and your life disrupted by it too.
When I was young, I had a lot that I could have been jealous about especially when I became a teenager and maybe there were some moments where I got jealous. Heck! There are still times where I get jealous today. With the experiences I had, while I was growing up, I knew that I had no power and I didn’t and don’t have it in me to harm or hurt anyone else. It was what it was. Saying that I knew a lot of people who acted on their jealousy without feeling guilty about it.
In the past and even till today I think there were a number of elements that helped and help me choose what type of a person I wanted and want to be at that very moment I get jealous and one of the main elements was and is my mother. My mother always saw good even in people who treated her bad. She had less than most yet gave up and gives up more than most. She had something which she still carries elegantly today and that is class. She has become my greatest teacher without even knowing about this topic “class”. Her silence through so much of rubbish is a powerful weapon that many people don’t have or know how to achieve.
I will soon tell you why I tie class to jealousy.
Now let me tell you something about certain Hindu people. I’ve seen all through my life (through Bollywood movies and real life) uncountable situations where a lot of Hindu people “class” someone who treats a waiter or waitress like rubbish, or “acting” intelligent making someone else feel uneducated or prove that they can protect their family or look strong, powerful and intelligent by challenging the cab man’s intentions or prices at the airport as class. With certain Hindus, I have noted and seen over and over again by showing that they’re tough or think they’re asking intelligent questions usually by disrespecting how someone else might feel, and often want to feel like they have power over people as class.
Someone who is of true class like the snippet I give of my mother above is seen as a pushover, doormat, unworthy, weak and every other synonym you can find under the word pushover in the Hindu culture. This is one of the biggest downfalls associated with the Hindu culture that many agree with me on. A culture where there’s a competition to “show” that you are someone in society mainly through your material and educational accomplishments.
Oh yes, there is a lot about this in general i.e. around the world where your material possessions and social status brings you even more respect. My question is how much of this respect has been earned? How hard you’ve worked for it? Have you let it get to your head that it’s tripled your ego and pride? What were your challenges in life to get to where you are today? Do you think it’s rightfully yours? How much are you giving back into the world?
Today we’re lucky that there are extremely successful people who are amazing role models. It all boils down to, “are you being who you really are?”
Unfortunately, I can’t say that for countries governed by patriarchal systems. Why? Firstly, they need to overcome that one day they will have a female boss telling them what to do and that she will earn more than him for her hard-earned skill or have an equal pay as him. Not to say that this topic didn’t come up in Britain either in 2016, 2017 and 2018. This is roughly the statistics in India right now.
https://www.business-standard.com/article/current-affairs/despite-same-qualifications-indian-men-get-30-more-pay-than-women-118060500107_1.html
Secondly, around the world you got to deal with a lot of women’s competitive nature and oOoO… how often will you find one that fanaticises about getting rid of you to be the next best thing? You find yourself in a situation wherein every meeting you’re seen as a picture on her billboard which she keeps trying to tear down instead of just finding a solution for the client and getting on with it.
Today women don’t only need protection from men but also from women. Hell! I do! I can give you over a thousand things that happened to me alone in just the last one and half years.
It is hard to be a woman of class. I mean the example of my mother is classic. She is a housewife who has to handle all kinds of scenarios for and with family i.e. funerals, weddings, birthdays, baby events, etc. What about the career woman who has to handle the scenarios with co-workers, friends and family i.e. funerals, weddings, birthdays, baby events, Christmas parties, cake sales to raise money, and the list goes on?
Can you image! Silently or verbally…
My cake was better than hers!
My biryani is better than hers!
oOoO and this one … her gorgeous boyfriend and her look like their relationship is on the rocks… (Okay stop right there lady!) you get me and you know where that is going…
What happens when you get old?
You don’t look so attractive anymore to yourself maybe even to others. Do you think people will remember how attractive, cool and educated you were or are, or would they remember the person you were or have become? When you realise what it boils down to now i.e. less time together and one day it’s goodbye forever. The golden question when you reach the end of your life is how do you want to be remembered?
What I do when I start sensing jealousy on her way to me?
1. I think of my mother and how she carries and carried herself through her experiences.
2. I think of my worth and class.
3. I think the following about the person who is just about to start to make me feel this way:
a) You know what this person is a great person they deserve to be happy. They deserve great things just like me (hopefully, you are surrounded by good people).
b) No matter how long I know this person for I either know their struggles in life or don’t know what they had to face in their life. Everyone pays a price in life and therefore this person is no different to me. One day I will get what I deserve and today is that day for them. Be happy because everyone in life gets great things as well as challenges. If someone has got great things in their life, it’s because they went through a great deal too.
4. I think about the people in the past or present who were or are in my life by no choice of mine who are or have been jealous of me and the things they’ve done to me without considering for a second what I had gone and am going through in my life, and how much it’s taken me to earn it to be who I am today and where I am today. Then I think about the person in front of me and put myself in their shoes and rethink the same thought.
What is your jealousy telling you?
Observe yourself and ask yourself, “from what has been said or done what is the exact thing that triggered it?”
Is your jealousy telling you the following?
- What you desire most?
- What you need to work on?
- Is it a reflection of you or is someone deliberately trying to make you jealous?
- What you want out of life?
- Is what you jealous about really what you want or who you want to be and what is unique about you and your life?
So why have I tied these two topics which should really be separate topics on their own?
So often I’ve seen people’s reaction when they get jealous and some of the spiteful things people do when they’re jealous. That’s why I say jealousy has fingers.
Do you really want to wait for Karma?
Life is so much better when people are nicer.
You’ve just lowered your self-worth when you act or say nasty things because you’re jealous. Not only have you lowered yourself, but you’ve given yourself a label, to the person whom you reacted to or responded to and to those who have witnessed it.
Jealousy is often tied to self-worth. Focus inwards rather than outwards and automatically you will start showing up with class.
You know I heard the saying, “class isn’t something you get it’s something you’re born with.”
This is untrue
If you want to be a better person just like if you want to be fit, you work at it.
When you know better you do better! (I’ve heard Oprah Winfrey say this so many times)
T. Dench Patel
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