Hello friends,
hope you are doing great today. I bet you’re wondering how different this topic is to this article The frequency of words – using empowering language. The answer is that it depends entirely on who you are speaking to, but asking powerful questions depends on the type of question, the tone, the words used, the relation it has to the relationship between the person posing the question and the person who will answer the question. Now answering the question also depends on who’s asking, and the response can be ineloquent, depending on how it landed at the person’s doorstep, needless to say, even if it’s landed ineloquently the response of an eloquent person would also be just as good, even if it is nothing.
I’ll tell you, hand on heart, not everyone is skilled at answering or asking powerful questions. Why? It’s only in schools such as Harvard where the smartest are taught, the more ambitious then the better one should be at protecting what’s close to their heart. Incredible business owners even without coming from Harvard had to/have to learn this skill. I mean Elon Musk (he didn’t go to Harvard) didn’t scream from the rooftop the moment he started getting traction in other ventures that Tesla was a company that he had in mind.
Asking powerful questions take just as much art as answering a powerful question, but that also depends on your inner game, i.e., how confident are you, are sure of yourself, intuitively how do you feel about answering the question, why is it being asked, and by who. Wouldn’t you agree, if you don’t like someone, and you’re stuck with having to talk to them, you’d either ask closed questions, rather light questions, have things be short and sweet? Now maybe you do like conflict and you end up playing “the game” answering the questions stirring up things, then the question to ask is, “What did we gain?” See now that’s an empowering closed and open question, while playing a game is rather disempowering, life is short, rather spend the very expensive time learning the powerful question and answer game. Why is it a game? It becomes a game when you have to play against competitors or when you have to play the game that the entire 99% plays unless you’re really having an intelligent conversation in the 1% space, now that’s entirely different. That’s when I say this is truly a talk between two intelligent minds, filled with lessons to learn from both people. In this sort of conversation, there would be more open-ended questions.
You’re probably asking right now, okay Dench Patel what are closed questions and what are open questions?
Closed questions have answers that have either a yes, or no and no space for much elaboration.
Examples
Does 2 plus 2 equal 4?
Do you smoke?
Do have any other sicknesses?
Is she pregnant?
How much does this cost?
Open-ended questions are questions that give space to the person answering on how long they wish to explain or extend their answer for. They can choose to elaborate or close it, but answering this question depends on the person being questioned. They can either close it quickly or choose to engage for longer. Open-ended questions when used powerfully are questions that don’t have hidden agendas. The pretty common ones start with, why, what, when, where, how and have you…
Examples
What are your plans after finishing high school?
What was your trip to Greece like?
How did you make this chocolate cake?
Why is my computer screen blank?
Why the game and when is it called the game?
It’s called a game when the questions feel so hard that it ends up making a person become untrue to themself just so they can win that round until the ball comes right back at them or it’s their serve.
The questions and the way they are answered depends on group dynamics or the type of tone that will dictate who leaves the emergency exit first.
An observation
Culture and patriarchy play a very negative role on women and even some men when questions are being asked by women upfront, considering women’s role in the past. What I find disempowering is when I would enter a place of service and if I was met with an Indian man from India serving me. In 5 minutes his questions (90% of the time from my experience) tells me what his mind is paying attention to. In 5 minutes, my entire family history has been asked, to an enquiry about my parents and if I was single or married. I assure you many western women who have travelled to Eastern countries have had similar experiences. It leaves you (I can speak for me for sure) kind of angry like you’ve been in a forced interrogation shop or mind space.
This conversation would have been more attractive if straight on interest hasn’t come forward so directly making one wonder how every girl must feel, especially if she is a single Indian girl walking in and out of this place.
Respecting people’s time and asking powerful questions
With being busy and having a schedule more and more as my agenda grows, I am weary of my time and how I use it, similarly I am starting to really tune into people I engage with and when I am required to assist, I am more and more honing into keeping it the most effective as I can so that we or them get the most out of it.
Take a look at the article below, which is pretty good. In the article it says:
If you don’t ask you don’t get… this is very powerful.
Using “have” lowers the ego as in, “Have you ever…” rather than sounding like you’re interrogating someone.
The surprising power of questions
I personally believe that most people avoid asking questions to really successful people because,
1) They are unsure about the power of asking their own question, and
2) They are afraid to get asked a powerful question.
This article How to ask powerful questions is pretty good.
I personally found this powerful, it’s better to know the right questions than to have all the answers.
This one too “You can tell if a man is clever by his answers. You can tell if a man is wise by his questions.”
“One helpful way of identifying the different types of questions you should be asking is to think about two key dimensions.
- First, are you focusing on goals and strategy—the big picture—or on implementation and execution?
- Second, are you in the realm of the intellect or of the emotions?”
This is excellent, Rhode Island Department of Education – Asking powerful questions.pdf
In the document on the link, there are 6 points to take into consideration when asking powerful questions because of how it helps the receiver. I think many people forget point number 2 when they ask questions. Point number 2, “Powerful questions should always affirm effort, skills, integrity, competence, caring and commitment.”
In the link to the article by Forbes below, I thought this was true, “Instead, we go about our days having surface-level conversations, rarely digging more in-depth with a co-worker, client or even a friend.”
Forbes – How to ask more powerful questions
This link is pretty good as well Leadership sustainability as mindset and ethical claim, from here I found this and more pretty good.
“We can ask questions in many different ways, and all are not equally constructive. For example, there is a great difference between a leader asking his employees: Why didn’t you do something about the problem? and asking: What do you see as possible solutions to the problem we are facing? The first question reflects the leader’s view that the employees ought to have responded and taken responsibility earlier. It creates a focus on blame. The second question expresses the view that there is a problem that everyone involved needs to come to a solution together. It invites employees to commit and involve themselves in finding solutions in a forward-looking movement. Being aware of our way of asking questions has a big impact on the way we relate to each other – and also on our ability to contribute, do, and achieve things together. As such, good questions can’t really be put in a template. The quality and effect of the questions always depend on the context they are asked in.”
Lastly, I will leave you with three more amazing articles regarding this topic.
Benefits of leaders asking powerful questions
Asking more powerful questions
https://conversational-leadership.net/powerful-questions/
Yours sincerely,
T. Dench Patel
Thank you for the comments and support. Thank you for offering to donate if there was a donate button on here. I prefer not to take donations. You can support by purchasing my books (Paperback or Kindle), The South African: True Colours, The South African: Roamer or my children’s book Light. These books can be found on Amazon mainly and other sites in your country.
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