Hello friends,
just another day, for you and me… in paradise… para, paradise. Do you remember that song by Phil Collins? It’s come to me the moment I typed “Hello friends”.
Okay, I don’t know if the birds in South Africa are confused or if this is normal every year. We’re currently in the middle of winter but some days are super-hot and so this one weaver bird keeps flying to one of the trees we have in the garden to see if that’s where he will build his soon to be future nest. Now it’s pretty weird because that was the same spot another weaver bird came to last year, he tried twice building his nest and failed. The winds were so strong that they seemed to be playing soccer with the nest, and one windy night the weaver birds took a rollercoaster as they left the emergency exit while their nest flew in the air, hit the grown and rolled off… and then… guess who found their nest? Meeeeee.
I mean, I would put a “Do not use this branch unless you’re building a rollercoaster” sign up but I don’t speak or write in the weaver bird language ?. Maybe this weaver bird believes he’s Elon Musk, he has the dynamics, and everything figured out. If that’s the case, he is a very smart weaver bird. Just image this very bouncy yet strong branch, branched to the part of the tree that will get you singing “I’m spinning around, move out of my way…” and if the right winds come along it’s a whole new song “I’ll fly you to the moon and back…”. I can just imagine me playing the guitar in the background singing “If you ever make it back, enjoy your stay in Paris.”
Alright, enough of the weaver bird taking the centre stage, besides he’ll be taking over the whole tree soon. Now on a more serious note, Cause and effect.
I thought this is a very good article that will help anyone especially with the tremendous changes in our lifestyle with being indoors with our families. Remember when the world was OK during November last year? Remember that world and when someone asked you without something in return if you needed help and you responded like “Hell yeah! But no thank you!” and if it was a family member then your pride and ego took over but guess what? You’re now saying, “I should have taken that help offered to me at the time. Now look, everyone else lost out on the benefit just because I made the decision from the reflection of it being all about me.” We’ve all been guilty of this and some a lot more than others, but that’s why I am here. I am here to bring awareness so that you can change it, so moving forward, you can create a life of your design.
Ever heard of emotional torture?
Emotional torture is what you cause because of all the stories you make up behind a person’s gesture or even your own choices. It’s almost as if the offer sounds so great that it can’t be the reality because you have just never come across such a great chance or offer without a catch. Families that have been going round in a pattern often cause their own causes and then they lead themselves to the effect and it’s unbelievable how they can keep creating a new cause and a new effect. Stop! “Nana na, na na nana na, Nana na, na na nana na… I just can’t get you out of my head…” Oh! Boy! Kylie Minogue has taken over today.
So, basically, the person keeps creating a new cause, they create the cause which can be avoided if they just opened up and trusted a bit more, so with the belief that they have this cause under control they create an effect, and then boom, it’s everyone else’s fault when it does go wrong. Some people create causes to keep their power, control and entitlement so that when an issue does arise the cause and effect is a weapon to prevent them from facing their own truth. Over time this leads to emotional torture especially when the person finds out they have sabotaged it themselves they feel two more predominant feelings compared to the others and that is regret and guilt.
So for example, let’s just say your partner stopped smoking and then started smoking again, they’ve become an excessive smoker, you or a family member tells them to reduce the intake or stop because of health concerns, they lash out and instead of facing the choices that they’ve made, which is that no one forced their hand to buy a packet of cigarettes when they were, say, eighteen years of age, this time around again, no one has forced them to go an buy a packet of cigarettes, in their mind’s eye they have created that as the only option out, so what do they do instead, they lash out all their regrets in a form of blame which could look like this example, “What do you expect me to do, I mean I am under a lot of work stress.” Many of you have this example at home right now, come on we already know many homes are facing this issue and you’re now asking “Alright now that he/she is not going to work, work has cut down, that excuse can’t be used for as long as it has been present through every argument where I’ve been asking for change for the better. So now what’s the excuse?” Now you or the family member receives a new response, “It’s you, can’t you see I’m doing this and that, etc.” This my dear friend is called “deflection” it is deflecting the actual cause and effect onto someone else instead of facing the reality, and the choices made by that person where options were available but they chose not to take them due to their own stories. It’s alright if the person causing the cause and effect is the only person that lost out, but imagine what it is to carry the cause and effect (being the only and final decision maker) and then feeling like your whole family has suffered as a result of your choices, actions and words.
My advice for people creating causes and effects is this, build trust, the more you trust the more you can rely on others, let others be the designers of their own life through allowing them to make their own choices. This way you will have less responsibility on your shoulders (less baggage), you’ll be happier not only that your conversations will be healthier and so would your relationships. Build that foundation in and around you and then it’s just onwards and upwards. By doing this you will realise what is unnecessary stress, by doing this you’ll have a comparison of what you have associated urgency to when it didn’t need urgency in the first place.
To summarise cause and effect it can simply mean that your own human behaviours require changing so that you receive more positive emotions to multiply all the positivity rather than multiply bad emotions to make you feel worse.
That’s my two cents take on this topic. Let me know your thoughts.
Kind regards,
T. Dench Patel
Thank you for the comments and support. Thank you for offering to donate if there was a donate button on here. I prefer not to take donations. You can support by either purchasing one of my books (Paperback or Kindle), The South African: True Colours, The South African: Roamer or my children’s book Light. These books can be found on Amazon mainly and other sites in your country.
The audiobook for The South African: True Colours is available on iTunes, Apple and Audible. The South African: Roamer and Light will be released soon.
Note: Do keep referring back to this site as much as possible, as I grow, a more profound perspective may form and so I will always come back to each of these articles to re-evaluate them.
