Hey friends,
how are you doing today?
What! Thursday, already, our last article of the week. No way, time is flying…
You know, I went to get some affirmations to listen to while I wrote this article and then I saw briefly these hate videos and this whole controversial case between Amber Heard and Jonny Depp. I watched one, I thought I could learn something, but oh! Boy! It reminded me of that crazy time when I got out of a relationship with a very toxic ex-partner. Geez … it was like seeing and listening to a different story just wrapped in the same packaging. I don’t think I’ll watch one of those videos especially around the whole Amber Heard and Jonny Depp case, I mean living it once and for all was enough to have learnt something for a lifetime. You know, it just shows us, even in the world of the wealthy it’s the same. It’s hard to ever know what happened behind closed doors.
So far, I’ve come to hear of two men who have said they’ve had domestic violence with the woman being the abuser in the last year. What has this world come to? Coronavirus did not help the situation either and what about all the cases we still don’t know about?
What was your reaction when you saw the title of this article?
How much I bet some of you opened your mouth wide and went, “What! Is this author crazy?” or maybe some of you went but T. Patel, “No way, it is unfixable with my ex!” Okay, okay relax everyone… I am not telling you to fix an issue with an ex-partner/ex-wife/ex-husband who is just toxic, full stop, you’re protecting your kids, and your parenting knowing that one party is not healthy, however, I believe Coronavirus has called a truce to a lot of fighting which is making many people choose their priorities better. Think about why people no longer trust you (if you are the toxic ex)? Think about it, now, do you blame people? Trust is something that can’t be played with. Once gone it’s like a mirror that’s been cracked, it just won’t be the same again.
Take away the income and see how people have no choice but to make it work. Do you see a true window of opportunity? or are you saying, “No way, I’m not falling for this again?” Whatever it is, trust your gut instinct first and foremost. Look, accept that it took two to tango, it took two actions … like ping pong for both parties to have brought out the worst of each other. It took two people to respond, two people to provoke, two people to react, one person to believe they can’t get out, one person to let themselves become the prisoner, two people let the game go on… you know that song, right? That Bobby Brown song, two can play that game.
What’s it going to be? For whose sake is it time to clean up the act? I mean there’s enough of us who are already f****d up from all the millions or billions of ways we’ve been parented and the time when that happened, how behind were we and the times we’ve grown up in. Tons of dysfunctional families… Now we have so many solutions at the tip of our fingers, so many coaches, so much self-improvement and self-help information everywhere, but you can’t do it if you’re not willing to admit, learn and change. We can make things work without our demons getting in the way. Didn’t it screw up enough? Don’t you want your children to have better memories of you, don’t you want your children to know better, learn better? Don’t you want your children to be successful and happy?
Then, it all starts with you. Sow seeds, not weeds.
Seriously, how long will it take us to understand that we don’t need more A-holes in this world? We really reached the top, as far as it could go… honestly. If Coronavirus wasn’t going to screw things up it was going to be some A-hole… So, ask yourself what was the virus, to begin with…?
The world had just as many A-holes as the number of people who currently got the virus. We really don’t need A-holes to continue when coronavirus discontinues. It’s a choice… (rant mode over).
So, when you go on a date, the answers to the questions you’re going to ask are very important, it’s important who you are going to be spending your life with. Those answers are a guide and of course really getting to know the person is important. Don’t take the relationship that you’re starting with a pinch of salt, it is almost as asking yourself this, “Would I rather live single, safe and happy (being in the driver’s seat of my life), would I rather live unhappy, dead and controlled forever, or would I rather live in a relationship where there is gratitude, love, equality, respect and I am still the driver of my own life?”
I learnt this, I had to learn about proper habits and track records of people. What to ask and what to look out for. Merry the action up with words, and so on a date ask and don’t care what he or she thinks, it’s a waste of time having fun with someone you are just accommodating because you care how they feel more than what you feel. – T. Dench Patel, 18 February 2020, 19:54
- You want to ask and find out what happened in the previous relationships.
- You want to ask what went wrong and why in their opinion.
- You want to ask what his/her relationship with his ex-partner/ex-wife/ex-husband is like now and his/her relationship with the child or the children they share.
- You want to listen to your gut and the red flags.
Leave nothing unsaid, someone who dislikes this in the beginning (can you imagine the end?) should be a massive sign for you, believe me, the last thing you want is to have your whole life go upside down because you’re now handling a toxic mess or in the middle of one. At least you get a forewarning of how to be the mediator and keep things healthy. A healthy relationship with an ex-partner/wife/husband and understanding on a common ground is essentials especially when the lady/man you love enters the dynamics. The children and their influences matter, they see and watch everything. If the two ladies/man get along, all the better, of course, trust has everything to do with it.
So, now what if your ex-wife/ex-husband/ex-partner that you had a significant relationship with, maybe one of the most important ones in your life is something that you still haven’t really healed within yourself? There is a way you can self-heal, don’t you think it’s enough now blaming yourself? Remember it took two to get there… Heal your part and move onto something new with more wisdom, healthy insight, healthy thoughts, healthy actions and trust again, what you reflect is what comes back to slap you or bless you. T. Dench Patel, 18 February 2021, 20:37
Yours sincerely,
T. Dench Patel
Thank you for the comments and support. Thank you for offering to donate if there was a donate button on here. I prefer not to take donations. You can support by purchasing my books (Paperback or Kindle), The South African: True Colours, The South African: Roamer or my children’s book Light. These books can be found on Amazon mainly and other sites in your country.
The audiobook for The South African: True Colours is available on iTunes, Apple and Audible. The South African: Roamer and Light will be released soon.
Note: Do keep referring back to this site as much as possible, as I grow, a more profound perspective may form and so I will always come back to each of these articles to re-evaluate them.
