Hello friends,
a bit late here because I really wanted to write this article properly. Apologies for the website issues lately, I believe it’s still not resolved and should be sorted out soon. The good thing is that you can always check back after a couple of hours and I guarantee that all the articles are still accessible.
This topic has been on the list for at least two weeks, it’s come up after I wrote this article. I’m sure many people reading this article have been a victim of gossip and even at some point or many times have been on the receiving and giving end of gossiping, ranting and venting. The thing is knowing when ranting and venting can convert into gossiping and knowing that if gossiping isn’t stopped in its tracks (the minute you’ve figured it out, hopefully soon enough), this can really be a waste of energy and time when that energy can be used for betterment.
What is gossiping?
Gossip is talking about someone’s private affairs more like idle talk meaning blah, blah, blah about another person. You’re not paying their bills or helping them rise up (Stop!).
Gossiping usually comes from insecurities purely because you’re not okay with yourself, and possibly the person being gossiped about is the person who brings out those insecurities. It is an act to belittle someone and tear their life apart by the gossiper’s/gossipers’ negative energy infused in words. This can then convert into all sorts of things like for example criticism.
Now if several people got into this starting with one or two people this is pretty hard for the person who doesn’t appreciate gossiping to turn the group’s conversation to a more intelligent and positive frequency. It really is tough being the one in the group who sees gossiping as a waste of energy but can’t pull themselves out of the group (especially when you’re in an office setting) with the fear of getting labelled for not joining in. This type of gossiping forces the person who doesn’t want to participate to be dragged in at the same rate as their silence (silence speaks volumes) which might even end up being the new subject of future gossip. This, friends is hardly something you want to be proud of or known for.
What is venting?
Venting is when you’re blowing out steam, frustrated at someone or something, it’s just charged short moments (If you really control it), it’s energy (charged emotions) stuck in you and by venting you release it out and let it go instead of containing it.
Now for years, I had not met the words ranting and venting, it’s only in the last few years that I learnt about it. I was once a very black and white person, I didn’t even consider the grey aspect, never believed that life can have grey moments and of course I learnt otherwise. So, the minute someone started ranting, venting or gossiping I was already looking for an exit, because I considered all three as gossiping. The minute I opened up to the idea of venting, but never really used it, I observed that if it’s not controlled it quickly converts into gossip. So, you can imagine the years I was told by you know who (yes, that person in all the subsequent articles) that he’s just venting, I had to sit there for hours taking it, probably one of my greatest lessons of spending time with so many hours of wasteful negativity. Come on, hands up those that are reading this and are from the Latin-based cultures, you secretly agree with me, right?
What is slander?
Slander is a type of gossip but it’s more damaging than gossip. Slander spreads false rumours basically lie about people and is punishable by law, almost like defamation.
What is ranting?
Ranting is going on forever about what you’re venting.
Constructive Advice
If you’re ranting and venting do so with people whom you trust and hopefully, you’ve got some good trustees who will be constructive with your rant and vent to help keep it as rants and vents and nothing more. Make this a point collectively that the rant and vent are allowed with a time limit but with a promise of a collective constructive solution.
This is where I can say in the past I missed out on people and on giving myself that chance without being so critical with myself. The rant and vent when you’re with people whom you trust can be really helpful because you can see clearly whom you should stay away from or be wiser with.
So, the value of the rant and vent lies in who you trust and their values. If I knew this back then, maybe I could have avoided certain people in the game that they play with others like for instance in the workplace, or when you’re socialising, meeting people and taking heed to the advice from certain people who are smart enough to warn others of the alarm bells going off.
If there’s someone you’re getting to know for the first time, be aware that it can easily seem at the first instance they vent or rant as gossipers, try not to judge them and just leave an open space. We’re living in a society, especially in first world countries where social media, online chatting, text, phone calls, WhatsApp are making people distant from face to face connection, and so judgement can be steep the minute you’re trying to get to know someone on a deeper face to face level.
I can honestly say this is why most people from the age of thirty and upwards are having difficulty in making new friendships all over again. It’s like people know how it will go all too well and judge it straight from there without giving friendships a chance or even going in with an open mind.
Another advice I can offer, is if you’re the minority in the group of the increasing number of gossipers try and act like a chameleon (ha!ha! kidding), okay just pretend to be so in terms of how you’re going to make your words like an undercover cop leading the conversation back to the station and hopefully the conversation will turn taking everyone back to the station.
Yours sincerely,
T. Dench Patel
Thank you for the comments and support. Thank you for offering to donate if there was a donate button on here. I prefer not to take donations. You can support by purchasing my books (Paperback or Kindle), The South African: True Colours, The South African: Roamer or my children’s book Light. These books can be found on Amazon mainly and other sites in your country.
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Note: Do keep referring back to this site as much as possible, as I grow, a more profound perspective may form and so I will always come back to each of these articles to re-evaluate them.
