If it were the other way around, it would be a big thing

Hello friends,

How are you this Friday evening?

Hope you are doing well.

I thought about this article when yesterday I was told about an incident, and I believe the man commented, “If it were the other way around, it would be a big thing.”

Let’s analyse this. This comment reminded me of another incident that I remember someone telling me some years ago.

“Me and my girlfriend were on holiday. I bought this fake snake, and I decided to scare my girlfriend with it, so I hid it in my bag, then as we were walking along the promenade, I took it out when she wasn’t looking to scare her. She ran for her life, and I kept chasing her with it. Everyone looked at us, and when I caught up to her with the fake snake in my hand she was in tears. Everyone gave me so many dirty looks as if I hit her or something. I didn’t know she was crying until I caught up with her.”

Then some years ago, while I was on YouTube, a video crossed me. A woman slapping a man. I couldn’t find that specific video, but I found this one.

The incident that invented this article was roughly along the lines of the video you see above.

I’ve discussed this yesterday, and I asked so many times, “Okay, so why is the man in that situation in the first place? Toxic is toxic whether it’s coming from a man to a woman or woman to a man. It’s not good, and either way the person should get out.”

There certainly has to be more awareness around this, but the strange thing was that the videos I have seen and the videos that came up on YouTube were all videos of women from an eastern descent when I typed in YouTube the search term women slapping a man.

To be fair no one should be slapping no one, especially when it comes to a relationship and if it does come to that, then there is something really wrong. If it has happened once it can happen many times after. People in healthy relationships do not manipulate, hit each other physically, and don’t take each other on a negative emotional rollercoaster.

There was one very important thing that I’ve learnt from the upcoming video below. The analogy of the way you look at your romantic partnership. Let me pull it out into words first, but please do watch this video.

“Is a seed married to the soil? It is not married to the soil. It’s just growing together both doing what they were designed to do.”

“We refer to ourselves as life partners when you get into that space when you realise that you are literally with somebody for the rest of your life. There are no deal-breakers. There’s nothing she could do, ever, nothing that would break our relationship. She has my support till death. You know what I mean, and it feels so good to get to that space where you’re not complaining, and worrying, and demanding at a person to be a certain thing. To sort of satiate your ego deficiencies. You’re not demanding that somebody be a certain thing, so you feel better about yourself.”

“Love is like water, blue and not red, fire.”

“Happiness is peace, not pleasure. A beautiful state of needlessness.”

“I grew up with the definition of love being that you push, and you mould, and you jam people into achieving, building and growing.”

“I shifted from the desire and pleasure paradigm of love. If somebody does what you say, you desire something, you want them to behave a certain way, and if they behave that way you love them. So that is sort of like the desire pleasure paradigm of love. Hey, I’m gonna give you this and then you’re going to behave like this and we’re going to love each other, right. Willow shifted me towards the gardener, flower paradigm of love. Where the flower is already what God intends, it’s a seed, and I take out what I want it to be. I want it to be what it’s intended to be. So, my definition of love shifted to a gardener. I just want to create a place, and I want it to have water, and I want you to become what you want to become. I am not going to demand that you become what I want you to become.”

“That was sort of the evolution and transition for me into loving Willow and then ultimately everybody around me in helping them become what they want to become and not demanding that they be what I see in my picture.”

Personally, coming from a relationship with domestic violence has taught me that two people are on their own journey and have to keep working in alignment with themselves (from the source) first, and then secondly, when you work in alignment with each other ultimately through the source neither of you will feel like you’re compromising your freedom to decide and freedom to flower from your own life experience and learnings. This takes practice and practice makes perfect. Love and hard conversations shouldn’t ever get physical; it should be a natural flow without holding onto control, ego, or the other person.

I don’t really like the original title of the video, but Abraham Hicks got some good points here about source energy and partnerships.

This recording is pretty good too. Abraham Hicks talks about being self-sufficient so that you don’t look outside of you or your partner to make you feel good about yourself. Depending on finding things you want outside of you so that you can feel what you want to feel. This is being a slave.

“Love who you are with whoever you are with.”

T. Dench Patel

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