Hey friends,
here we are on another windy day. Today is a bit colder than yesterday. I can’t wait for nicer weather, this winter I saw the real South African winter. We didn’t get any rain this winter, the weather wasn’t so tropical as last winter and for sure this winter was very cold, the biting cold that I talk about in The South African: True Colours.
Still, home is home and if we really look into what makes a home it’s not the amazing bricks, the expensive materials used in its making, or the architecture, the big dining room that hardly anyone ever eats in, the amazing swimming pool that hardly anyone ever swims in, the big garden where hardly anyone relaxes or plays in, the massive parking space where hardly any authentic people are invited to, or where people live but don’t even speak to each other, a place where people live and continuously scream at each other. This, as you can tell, is no home.
A home begins with what you’re filling up inside you and how you’re carrying or approaching what happens externally through your internal compass, depending on each person’s story and their inner selves are what “out-comes” are made of externally just like the external events create internal outcomes. Not many people have a clue about this concept and so the question is, who and what are you letting in your home?
A home requires continuous maintenance, a home requires replacement parts, a home requires refurbishment, a home requires you to declutter, a home requires you to let go of the past and its energies (divorces and deaths). People come and go from your home and some remain. This is why some elderly people are so upbeat while others sit there withering, waiting to just die because all the people in their home has physically gone, yet remain alive in their hearts. I guess this is why some old people don’t care anymore about their physical home when everything living and gave them life leaves one by one. The cycle is what they’re so familiar with.
The question is, “What would I like my home to be filled with? What do I want the experience in the garden/field/park to feel like?”
Who will know all this if they are young parents? A child can’t possibly know all of the above. A family is growing and there are a lot of unpredictable things that can happen in one day. What idea the parents have and what happens during the course of the entire family’s growth is all unpredictable, I mean even what we what and what happens individually depends on so many factors.
And so, what I’ve learnt through my own life, the influences of who I grew up around and seeing (even from a distance) all of us getting to our forties is that we’ve influenced each other in some way or another, positive and negative. It’s hard growing together accepting moments where one is egocentric, proud, arrogant, impatient etc. while another is calm, patient, sensitive, grounded etc. even between couples, so can you imagine an entire family growing together and individually? What does this say? It tells us that someone else’s negative is a growth i.e. a plus to someone else’s lack of ability (weak point) and vice versa. Like in the books I talk about Saesha being able to do various things like for example to tap the ball or do stunts her brothers were trying to get right or even getting street smart because of the way girls are naturally portrayed in her culture.
The physical home is so relevant to what we’re housing internally. What is dominating that? Positive or negative energies/forces? This is likely to affect everyone in your space. Think about what you’re surrounded by, and like Dr John De Martini says, look around in your personal space, the space where you spend the most time, and look at your room and see what dominates that. Do you have books, writing material, your work, things you enjoy always in your vicinity? Do you have your travel case? By what you’re surrounded by is the statement of the likes of who you are, what you’re passionate about and your purpose/value is likely to be found in.
Similarly, if we’ve never found ourselves, never worked on ourselves, never looked at something outside of the box and if no one in your family has, it could take a person by accident to a new level, and what is introduced into the family is likely to become a piece of your family’s world. You might end up only finding out its meaning and if it’s done you justice later in life until another family member bumps into a concept that could be somewhat negative or positive.
So, the patterns of how you see your parent’s relationship with each other, pulling out all the positive things from that, the way you communicate with them, the way you communicate to your siblings, to the friends you make externally, to the extended family, to the acquaintances, all at a young age begin to create your world, your internal compass is quite likely being created subconsciously through external happenings/events. So like a tree, you grow, the roots are strong, a tree tends to grow in the direction where it receives more light and if a plant/tree is blocking its way from the sunlight then it will bend in order find its way to the light or die trying. Some of us humans are worse than trees, we don’t even die trying, we just choose to die. Most of us, just like the trying tree, we’re all doing that in some way or another. We are inclined to go towards what makes us feels good, nurtures us, enlightens us but in order to find what that is we face a struggle that teaches us who we’re really meant to be. It empowers us internally to make into reality who we want to show up as externally, this evolves all the time.
Someone once said that they idolised their parents’ relationship so much that it destroyed the new relationship they tried building with the person they fell in love with.
It’s quite likely that you will take out into the world more of what you’ve learnt at home because before school started you were at home for years and then after school and especially the weekends you’re at home until the day comes where you start reshaping your own future.
Yours sincerely,
T. Dench Patel
Thank you for the comments and support. Thank you for offering to donate if there was a donate button on here. I prefer not to take donations. You can support by purchasing my books (Paperback or Kindle), The South African: True Colours, The South African: Roamer or my children’s book Light. These books can be found on Amazon mainly and other sites in your country.
The audiobook for The South African: True Colours is available on iTunes, Apple and Audible. The South African: Roamer and Light will be released soon.
Note: Do keep referring back to this site as much as possible, as I grow, a more profound perspective may form and so I will always come back to each of these articles to re-evaluate them.
