Hello friends,
I trust that the weekend was pleasant.
Last week I wrote this topic down, I heard someone say how suffocating it can be living a life which they’ve built on lies because the truth brought shame, a lot of signs came through after this, people talking about things that happened to them in their life and living a cover over the truth was better than to be shunned on. Then an even stronger message came through i.e. living with a mask/shield or a life they’ve never fully dealt and processed from the past, a preview I’ve seen of Paris Hilton’s YouTube video about her authentic self was released. There was really more than one sign last week that literally reminded me why it was essential writing about this topic. In my books The South African: True Colours based on a true story I go into the Gujarati culture; a society that I once thought was the only society that had so many secrets that children my age or younger were affected by and then in my book and The South African: Roamer also based on a true story, I began to realise that this is a worldwide culture especially tough on the very rich families in all races, but the “unspoken” has been coming out over the years.
Last year April, I returned to South Africa and I posted videos on YouTube of how my story was unfolding, ever since I’ve been tuning into other people, listening to their stories and you know what the similarity was? I’ve found that not one or the other is any different in terms of the weight people carry. I’ve come to learn that you don’t get what you can’t handle in life but more so, the deepest and unacceptable events that happen to a person which they are rejecting for years and years is the clue to changing this world for the better, it’s a clue to living the most authentic life you can live; a far better vision than you see for you because you own that story, but up until you realise you own that story, the story will always own you. Truth goes a long, long way. T. Dench Patel, 21 September 2020, 16:28
Being honest, in the Gujarati culture I have seen people lose it with their parent’s secrets, then over the years, I have seen children from wealthy families lose it and add to the secrets, raising children with fear or harsh practises because of a legacy they feel they are required to uphold, or from stories of other families and what happened there. These pressures are so strong that there are a lot of people who sacrifice themselves by keeping in their secrets.
When I watched the video of Paris Hilton opening up about her past I really would like to extend and convey further the message that speaks out in the video, that the lines between tough love and abuse can be so blurred, it’s a double-edged sword, that as much as it makes you a survivor it doesn’t help you see abuse in advance. If anything that the video outlines and what entrepreneurs keep saying is this, your brand is you, you are your brand with all that i.e. the past, present and how you carry those two with one hundred percent of your authentic self into the future. No shades, no shields and no need to pretend. Your worth is YOU, yes all that you embody not the walk-in showroom of collections. T. Dench Patel, 21 September 2020, 18:32
So, to speak, first and foremost you have to come clean with yourself and what you’re resisting, be prepared that it doesn’t matter what the world has to say, all that matters is that you follow your inner calling and positive people. Gossip has many faces and the faces change quickly overnight and overtime. The good thing is that it eventually becomes a ghost. – T. Dench Patel, 21 September 2020, 18:35
The truth is a very sexy and irresistible thing when owned and recognised you hardly need to make an effort to wear it elegantly. – T. Dench Patel, 21 September 2020, 19:44
You’re spoken about somewhere somehow in one way, shape or form throughout life, you just won’t know it, you won’t know if what’s being said about you is positive or negative. This happens to everyone, unfortunately. It’s letting go of the idea you have of the world and their idea of you and when you come clean on the secrets, face them so you can live without carrying that weight.
I recommend taking the time out to watch the video (on the link above) of the abuse that numerous people have faced in the school that Paris talks about in her video, because not only does it show you that even celebrities have doubts on their worth and where it stems from but also so that you can see that in our world when you show people that you are smart (I found that in the workplace and in some of my romantic relationships) it’s threatening and that playing dumb to see people’s true colours keeps you safe but unfortunately small because you can’t live your true authentic power. There’s also a part in the video that demonstrates how a heavily paid situation which you earn and took/take heat for to get where you are, the fans that love you can make certain people who fall in love with you wanting to own you through their insecurities and the way it plays out, and in her case, she shows you that the most dearest pieces of equipment i.e. laptops to help her with her work as a DJ has been destroyed by numerous insecure boyfriends. When you see the signs repeating, the same pattern only with a new person know when to push back, but genuinely ask yourself this question, “Why am I attracting this sort of love and am I looking for love in all the right places or in all the wrong places?”
The incident above made me recall a situation where I was in a relationship where I endured phycological abuse. I was in my education session one Sunday, learning one of my languages. He knew I just recently made a schedule to make myself accountable. It didn’t intervene with our time as he chose to make lunch that day, then he couldn’t take full responsibility for his decision to make lunch and started an argument with me ten minutes before my study session was over, ten minutes guys! It was over nothing, just to regain power over my time, me and my hobbies over him.
For me it was hard to come clean with everything that happened to me, the books I write, the YouTube videos I posted about a year ago. I wasn’t a multi-millionaire and I wasn’t in a strong position to be able to fight for years through more powerful forces or contacts that sat high up in a ladder and so can you imagine how many people there are in the world who are going through these things with no formal support and can you imagine how many people feel like they’ve lost even before coming clean?
Yours sincerely,
T. Dench Patel
Thank you for the comments and support. Thank you for offering to donate if there was a donate button on here. I prefer not to take donations. You can support by purchasing my books (Paperback or Kindle), The South African: True Colours, The South African: Roamer or my children’s book Light. These books can be found on Amazon mainly and other sites in your country.
The audiobook for The South African: True Colours is available on iTunes, Apple and Audible. The South African: Roamer and Light will be released soon.
Note: Do keep referring back to this site as much as possible, as I grow, a more profound perspective may form and so I will always come back to each of these articles to re-evaluate them.
