Hello friends,
here we are, another Tuesday. Hope all is well at your end.
Today’s article reminds me of the time I left for the United Kingdom in the year 2000 and a certain anecdote which relates to this title which I write about in my books The South African: True Colours and The South African: Roamer, however, this article should make more sense if you won’t be able to read these books or hear the audiobooks anytime soon. By the way, if you fancy a few free chapters of my book The South African: True Colours and The South African: Roamer you can subscribe on my website and instantly they’d land in your inbox.
Okay, so now I’m slowly meeting more people from the Hindu community and there is some confusion going on with greeting people. Let’s face it, eighteen years here eighteen years there, that’s equal to north, south, east and west, now what? I’ve done the 3-kiss greeting, I’ve done 2-kiss greeting, I’ve done the hug and handshake, I’ve done the namaste (still do it), the office greeting, and I’ve done the rapper greeting, Whazzup! Alright, let’s get one thing clarified, namaste is not “naaamaaaste,” namaskar is not ”naamaaskar,” or namaskaram is not “naamaaskaaraam,” 😉 said with both hands together which by the way is the customary way in which Hindus greet. It’s namaste (pronounced nimisteh), namaskar (pronounced nimiskaar), namaskaram (pronounced nimiskarem), short and sweet no need to drag the sound. How much I bet you didn’t know that (if you’re not Hindu, how were you supposed to know it)?
In the Hindu culture greeting especially among the elders was taken a bit seriously and with respect, over recent years it’s not as serious as when we were being raised, every Gujarati that was older than us, even more, if he’s a male (ugh! Patriarchy), or any cousin brothers usually will have her name then ending in Ben, or his name ending in Bhai. Ben means sister and Bhai means brother. It used to come so naturally back then and then what? I went travelling…
So, let’s look at the difference here.
It felt odd calling the manager of the place I worked at when I was 19 years of age by his first name, I always hesitated with going straight at saying his name and then the thing we’re discussing, but then in the year 2000 speaking to people, mostly everyone using their first name grew on me, I really became comfortable with it when my boss said I should just call him by his name, he was still my boss and he was still the manager of the Hotel, I still kept using “Sir”, but it did change instantly as I realised, I had to learn quickly as it was customary to use first names in jobs even if they were my boss, and second, I was in a foreign country. This was the first time I felt free. “Sir” didn’t feel like respect it felt like I was owned, it made me feel like a slave from the day I started using it… come on, I’m just being real, let’s admit it, your power is kind of diminished when you use “Sir” and “Madam” a lot in the workplace and at other times but especially in the workplace (we’re talking South Africa). We used the words “Sir” and “Madam” when we served or had contact with whites mostly when we were under apartheid, and then when I worked in Alberton in the year 1998 apartheid was gone by name but not in attitude. I was like one of those kids with loads of energy, I mean full of energy so saying “Sir” and being a skippy was kind of the way I saw my myself back then. Being a waitress in the Hotel I still used “Sir” and “Madam” a lot because I’ve never seen an entire town almost full of whites with a “white” accent and one that sounded so porsche that I even asked myself if they were speaking English. Here I was shedding the mentality that came through my behaviour during apartheid.
There are times when I feel the word “Sir”, or “Madam” is very appropriate, perhaps for someone who one may feel nothing but utter respected for, maybe even someone whom I would appreciate for their position and my role. It’s a bit different to the Indian ways, even more, Hindu ways. God, how many people became Bhais and Bens and it makes you ask yourself is this is an important Ben to us or Bhai to us…? “Ahhh, What’s the difference?” Quite frustrating, seriously I don’t know about all Indians or Hindus but the Gujaratis are like she is the sister of his brothers’ brother’s brother in-law’s …. It still goes on and you must know all the Gujarati terms that go with that, Kaka, Kaki, Jethani (I am sure some of this is spelt wrong), this one I laugh at, “Wow” …. Every time I hear this word that describes a relationship “wow” I can’t help but imagine a big party in my head with balloons bursting everywhere in the background and me going “Wow!” (I am sure the spelling is different but the sound to me is just about the same, only with less excitement) Seriously, I don’t know how many cousin brothers and sisters I have around the world and who are supposed to be the closest ones. 😀 (Kidding).
Can you imagine first talking with people in the Hindu community, not speaking your thoughts, with not much eye contact to prevent disrespect and then you appear in a middle of a white town in the United Kingdom and everyone is making signs at you because you’re not showing eye contact but freely speaking your thoughts. Yes, it’s true, a lot of Gujaratis and Hindus will admit (especially in South Africa) communication in families and society really did take the back seat, yet there’s just as much actionable communication like my cousin said the other day, my kids say that mum shows us love through her cooking even if we don’t get a hug. Hey guys, tough love, arguable but it sometimes works, combined with unconditional love. Love in itself can be weird but still good.
When I was in Spain, someone said that one boss told him to call him Don which translates to Sir, Lord or Master and not Señor (Mr) and so he left a high paid job because of that. So, anyone of you out there has this feeling after returning to your base land right now? I mean, I can’t remember when I stopped using Bhai and Ben at the end of my brothers’ names or my sister’s name and I can’t remember when last I called them Bhai and Ben, however, some people are so natural to speak to that not saying the word Bhai or Ben is actually comfortable. I just said namaste to someone this weekend and the girls were like, “He’s not that old.” I couldn’t help but to laugh and think how awesome times have changed. Sometimes I am so inconsistent with calling someone a Bhai or Ben then next minute I am calling him a Bhai and then her a Ben and then I’m like what’s it going to be? Make the decision and stick… Greetings, greetings, greetings…
😉 One thing for sure would be a good plan, if you’re keeping boundaries, I guess using Bhai or brother… Ben or sister…would work, ha! That should keep you safe, and someone else not so happy… especially if they’re planning to hit on you. 😀
How bout you, have you ever been tongue-tied on your greetings?
Yours sincerely,
T. Dench Patel
Thank you for the comments and support. Thank you for offering to donate if there was a donate button on here. I prefer not to take donations. You can support by purchasing my books (Paperback or Kindle), The South African: True Colours, The South African: Roamer or my children’s book Light. These books can be found on Amazon mainly and other sites in your country.
The audiobook for The South African: True Colours is available on iTunes, Apple and Audible. The South African: Roamer and Light will be released soon.
Note: Do keep referring back to this site as much as possible, as I grow, a more profound perspective may form and so I will always come back to each of these articles to re-evaluate them
