Hello friends,
hope you are well and blessed with many Easter eggs and just one, yes only one, good Easter bunny (guys) or Easter bugs bunny (ladies).
Sooo, how’s Easter going? Okay, on second thoughts, keep the answer to that one to yourselves ?. I prefer a clean answer from the bachelors and bachelorettes, I mean for once, they might be better behaved under lockdown, or not?
Well, some of you might be literally looking at the neighbour you’ve got the hots for… if that’s you better pass on this article… Wow! Wait! Not just yet, you might NOT be looking at your opposite neighbour that way, or the neighbour you sit next to when you return to your job.
AAAAh I see I got your attention now! Let’s go and get a drink and talk about this topic, now, I mean it, now. Now is no better time because when things go downhill it’s then when you get a real awakening on your character and if it’s your first time sailing through unchartered waters you will get a lot of revelations about your personality/character as well as a feel for others.
If there are people around you doing well during this time then it’s NOT the time to be bitter and jealous of them, it’s time to ask what is it that they are doing to survive during a crisis. What business proof plan they’ve made to be able to thrive especially when the majority are in unchartered waters?
That’s the difference in using your energy positively to propel your life forward or you can keep sitting there on the couch having everyone listen to the poison you release because you don’t have a clue what it took the next person to come this far, all you’re focusing on is the end result which you see (not necessarily the end result they want for them) that has you blinded with envy and jealousy. It takes years to hone in on a skill and it takes a lot of time to finally know that this is your key skill even your purpose by investing in your purpose. That word investing shouldn’t be taken lightly. Once you go through the process, being fully open and honest with yourself then only will you appreciate how unfair it is/was to make a judgement on what you see externally without knowing what it took/takes to come this far on the inside. It’s still taking work right now to get to the vision you have for the future, that’s the bit that everyone forgets. The work you put in isn’t what everyone sees day in day out – T. Dench Patel, 12 April 2020, 14: 16
People can waste energy for months and years without making any changes in their own lives. When I lived in Spain, I often wondered and still wonder that it takes less work, energy to actually do something about it then to continue on the path of bitterness, jealousy and gossip. There was a time during the economic crisis that I decided to participate in a competition. I wanted to win the final prize from Martini Royale Casting, because like everyone else who joined the competition, we all had our own reasons for joining and what we wanted to do with the winning prize. I liked Martin’s (back then), I liked the brand back then and I thought I had embodied the ethos of Martini then which was, “Luck is an attitude,” purely because everything that I desired to do in my life, I’ve done it (personally I wish I could have done it better though, maybe it would have lasted longer), still I am very grateful I had some chance.
So, what happened? I wrote the script and needed someone to take the video of my script. I told my then-partner (the relationship with domestic violence) to do it, really very irritating that was. To have trusted him to take the video because he had a problem with me hanging around with my best friend who was a guy, which by the way was like a brother to me. The worst thing was, it took a lot of hard work preparing for the video and the script, it was the first time I was going to show my face and be vulnerable on video to god knows how many people. At that time the world was still getting brave at using YouTube. What was more irritating, all he had to do was hold the camera and press a button, he obviously had an issue with that too.
I believe it was in the year 2011, the whole thing went wrong from there. Now I can understand, looking back why this person was the wrong choice of partner from the beginning. So, you can imagine, doing one wrong move which my partner wanted me to do, so that I don’t get in caused a mess with my one thousand friends on my social media page. I thought they were fake for not supporting me and they probably thought I was God knows what… Turns out no one could support the videos or like it because I was lead in the wrong direction by my then partner on a certain part in the directions given to me. Of course, years after that incident, hidden resentment collected with a lot more events similar to this first one inside me, some ridiculous episodes and arguments that normal healthy couples don’t even face, I said, “If only I didn’t tell him, if only I just got the person who I called my brother to help me out then, if only I told my best friend who was like my brother about the gaslighting and manipulation I was going through, etc maybe I would have won that competition.” The thing is, who expects to get into a relationship where one person is only out to serve themselves, the last thing you’re looking out for is red flags, and someone pretending to be part of a relationship.
That was probably the 3rd incident in our first six months together. This incident was the largest of the three which involved over one thousand people and of course here I found out the number of people whom I never imagined was capable of spite and jealousy that they were waiting to see me lose or get nowhere in this competition, and so they did. They saw me lose and it was nice to know that you had extended family in there who were gladly watching the show to report back to their families instead of supporting one of their family members being shot down so massively. Trust me, I took 100% responsibility for this one, “I mean, how could it be my then partner? I should be responsible 100% for all my thoughts, actions, everything,” is what I said to myself, but when you begin to see a pattern that you allowed to happen and it’s no longer just that one event you don’t only feel robbed by someone else’s behaviour, you also feel robbed and angry at yourself.– T. Dench Patel, 12 April 2020, 14:22
Physical and emotional abuse is more complicated than you can ever imagine. It’s a parasite that takes over the victim’s mind and spirit. The victims themselves don’t know how they got there over time – T. Dench Patel, 12 April 2020, 15:28
What I am telling you here is: this is your life, this is my life this is just about the same story for a lot of people; people are lacking support in their endeavours, they are lacking more than just five or six family members caring about them 100%. The truth is, you need more than this to make it in the world. The truth is, everyone needs more than this to make it in this world. – T. Dench Patel, 12 April 2020, 14:50 I wasn’t planning to pull out this part of my story at all, it just came out, but I guess it will help you as well in terms of this article here. The degeneration in domestic violence which I mention in this article on the link is torture, each time you go through one it’s the next level of losing yourself or your personal power or something.
Knowing that you’ve worked so hard and honestly, reputation is built on years and all it takes is one wrong person, one wrong step, one wrong direction … you first lose one chunk, you may lose chunks over time, or you can just about lose it all in one go. – T. Dench Patel, 12 April 2020, 15:18
From the above story, perhaps if there was more positivity and empowerment in our nature our world would be better. Everyone has a dream, everyone is struggling, everyone needs help somewhere on the journey to their dreams. It’s not helping anyone become bitter, jealous or spreading bad things about those who really work hard and pay/paid the price, and some people pay/paid some steep prices to be where they are today. What do you get from looking at other people’s success, feeling resentment, bitterness, and jealousy when you can get more out of learning from what they are doing right? That takes less energy and negativity and puts you in a productive mind space. – T. Dench Patel, 12 April 2020, 16:08
It’s easier to seek the light than to seek hate. It’s easier to do the work and get it done than to procrastinate, it’s easier to just be clean with yourself and that way nothing can come back at you. – T. Dench Patel, 12 April 2020, 33:33:33
You know, my best friend told me in two thousand and fourteen when I left the abusive relationship that I mustn’t tell anyone what happened in this relationship and she and her husband even told me to stay off the grid if I wanted to be safe from my ex-partner. I was worried too, I was like imagine if the next guy was to hear what happened, it’s like a woman who has been in domestic violence is untouchable or something, and I’m not one of those people who won’t disclose the truth in my relationships. It was a very isolating world for roughly five years. I remained off the grid. I understood that they were saying this from the love and concern for me, but there came a time where I just had to choose; a life of hiding from your dreams or hiding from someone or something that will constantly be there to take away your dreams. – T. Dench Patel, 12 April 2020, 15:54
Wow! When I re-read this article … I didn’t plan to share such a personal detail/recount with you, I was even planning to delete the whole personal recount but it’s what came to me at the moment (something I’ve long forgotten as well), I figured, there can’t be anything more real then what I’ve just shared here with you. Let’s keep our people safe.
Yours sincerely,
T. Dench Patel
Thank you for the comments and support. Thank you for offering to donate if there was a donate button on here. I prefer not to take donations. You can support by either purchasing one of my books (Paperback or Kindle), The South African: True Colours, The South African: Roamer or my children’s book Light. These books can be found on Amazon mainly and other sites in your country.
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Note: Do keep referring back to this site as much as possible, as I grow, a more profound perspective may form and so I will always come back to each of these articles to reevaluate them.
