Hello friends,
no way! I can’t believe it, seriously, we’re on the last article of the week already!
No, it’s not Thursday, it’s Monday :-Þ…
Alright, Alright! It’s Thursday… and just two more days until we can all try to run a rant and rave ?.
Right, let me dive straight in. Let’s go from where it usually starts.
You know, firstly, for there to be a split in a relationship or marriage there must be some important reasons from both parties yet at the same time, the truth is it does take two to tango to reach the end of something that was once upon a time beautiful which now is so full of pain and heartache. What if I tell you this? (I know most of us already know this), Relationships are hard especially romantic relationships. Those who are now in respectful, loving and very happy relationships know what it costed, what kind of work it takes to first and foremost love yourself and to work on yourself.
See, when we’re in high school and fall in love with our high school sweetheart, see when we’re in university and fall in love with our university sweetheart or when we start to work and fall in love no one asks us why? Do we actually sit down and dig deep? Sometimes we fall in love just like that but then we uncover, you know, that massive argument, that massive awakening and the truth just stare us in the face. Come on! Let’s be real! The biggest knock one can ever have is finding out that one has placed all their self-worth in the hands of their husband, wife, partner, boyfriend or girlfriend. The biggest knock and shock after that is finding out that we were seeking love externally when we haven’t given ourselves the love that we really deserve from us (us the very person owning our body, mind and soul).
So, this is where it starts. When one really realises that they’ve been loving someone or expecting love, feeling it’s a requirement, an entitlement without first loving themselves… I mean let’s face it, why do people go in search of one-night stands, prostitutes or why do they end up cheating?
This has everything to do with worth. I mean till this day we see the news, right? We see what happens with many POWER couples on television.
Exactly, POWER, when we look at romantic relationships as something wonderful to build together, competing is healthy, but it’s got to be light when it becomes serious this is where the reasons why one parent can seem so incompetent when it comes to sharing kids becomes the end result. Also, the question to ask is, what do both individuals in a relationship see as competition? This question is essential especially when the couple is out living a divine mission and a soul purpose individually or some aspects of that are being done together. The persons living with divine mission and soul purpose will be called to pivot, will get bored of some aspects and will want to naturally evolve and do something different.
The difficulty is when one of the individuals feel like they’re being left behind. Now, we traditionally know the old world (old ways) as a place where one individual was either dragged down, left behind, or couldn’t pull themselves up or out of something that they now can’t turn back from. The new world is one where people are becoming relationship savvy.
Reasons why one parent can seem so incompetent when it comes to sharing kids. It really is a pity is the result of not planning out a relationship properly, not discussing and implementing intentions from day one. Not being accountable, not holding us accountable and sliding from the necessary change. Understandably we may well slide but it’s just as much the individual’s responsibility to know when they’re heading in a direction of the danger zone. The competition in the relationship turned from light to serious (this is caused by a factor of envy or jealousy – simply gone toxic) and the person with the most POWER is the one who makes (maybe even unknowingly) the “other person” in the relationship feel powerless. This is a very dangerous place in relationships. Powerless, means many things, i.e. domestic violence, lack of self-worth, frustration, paranoia, feeling of being set up, toxic, toxic, and more toxic.
The thing is when it comes to kids, the law gets involved and it’s weighed down, and so if a bigger game has to be played there’s no bigger game of POWER still showing up than where the law gives the most power and the question would remain “To who?” So, when kids are involved, the battle between who the law supports (Oh! Boy, you’re in for something if the mother is supported the most through the law, worse if she is unjust, more and more fathers are beginning to stand up).
Reasons why one parent can seem so incompetent when it comes to sharing kids. It really is a pity you know it begins to make sense to me, films like Mrs Doubtfire or Real Steel for the matter of fact.
This is just my take from what I observed.
A person begins with all the guts they have to believe that they will win the law. They take out all their savings, it’s a mental turning point when they choose, they choose without a second their child over the money. They’re filled with all kinds of emotions. Filled with the hope that they can beat the law. “Nope, my story is going to be different compared to other fathers/mothers.” We all know how this goes on for months, then for years, then the savings dry up, then this then that…
To have a child it has never been a question of providing (initially one believes both parents will be around), one doesn’t ever believe that someone can be evil enough to take their child away from them, but when a child is taken from a person from the time they’re three years old, and the father/mother is out there looking for him/her can one really make provisions for a child who is hardly present while the mother/father has full freedom to adapt his/her life to the child and for the child? This is the biggest injustice there is. This is where the injustice begins where one parent looks incompetent while the other looks like a provider, even worse if the law is supporting the woman who is receiving child maintenance from the father.
Fathers and mothers, month in and month out have been placed as incompetent, firstly, fathers for not proving maintenance and if (both mothers and fathers) have never had a chance to adapt their lifestyle for a child who comes and sees them every twice a week (hypothetically speaking) you can’t blame parents. The parent that looks the most incompetent isn’t actually the most incompetent parent especially if they have to fight with the law (spend their money on the law), and if those parents still fight to want to see their children then just imagine how they can transform the environment full time around them especially when they know they will be seeing their kids every single day, every other day or on most days. This is where the glitch of injustice really lies for most parents that are out of toxic relationships yet their children are being manipulated against them (in many ways) simply because the law fails the parent with the least power almost all the time. This is a real pity.
(I am excluding specific cases where one parent won full rights to be with their kids because their ex-partners, ex-wives or ex-husbands are completely lost in life)
Yours sincerely,
T. Dench Patel
Thank you for the comments and support. Thank you for offering to donate if there was a donate button on here. I prefer not to take donations. You can support by purchasing my books (Paperback or Kindle), The South African: True Colours, The South African: Roamer or my children’s book Light. These books can be found on Amazon mainly and other sites in your country.
The audiobook for The South African: True Colours is available on iTunes, Apple and Audible. The South African: Roamer and Light will be released soon.
Note: Do keep referring back to this site as much as possible, as I grow, a more profound perspective may form and so I will always come back to each of these articles to re-evaluate them.
