Hello friends,
how have you been keeping up? The weekend, great? I believe the sun is out and Spring has sprung in some countries. A new dawn, right? I have been seeing people enjoying the sunshine on my feed. It’s about time, right? It was a long gloomy six months for some.
While you’ve got the sun shining, we down South are feeling just about like Spring has sprung too. Temperatures are gone cooler especially during the mornings and nights. Some afternoons are sitting at 23 degrees while other afternoons can still feel very hot.
You know, this isn’t something that is out there, but with 2020 I definitely knew of several people who had marriage on the cards, and I feel that the news hasn’t really put this out in the forefront. I don’t know, over the weekend this topic came across my mind, and I was like, “Gosh, I really would like to know the statistics around this, challenges, etc.” I know so many people have said, “We have never been in each other’s space, like for this long, and with the risks, we have never felt the lows that we have felt like this year ever.”
Now others have faced a different fate, “We hardly spent time together, always away. For a change the kids are more united with my significant other, the relationship is much better, we have a better connection.”
How bout we get into some real facts and statistics? Let’s head over to the UK. The reason is that I got those statistics out first, also I was very curious. See, the resiliency in relationships has everything with how strong the foundations are within you and your external world. In countries like South Africa, India or other countries that are not in the 1st world category there are challenges that already make people resilient making relationships more prepared or stronger for the unknown. Maybe this is a double edge sword, maybe people are living unhappy and they don’t know it? Let’s find out.
Leading British law firm, Stewards logged a 122% increase in enquiries between July and October of 2020 compared to the same period during the year 2019. Citizen’s Advice in the UK also reported a spike in online searches where people were looking to end a relationship in the year 2020. In the US there has been a 34% rise in the basic divorce agreement with newlyweds who got married five months before that. China has had a similar pattern to this. There is also a rise in divorce applications with newlyweds (including the US and Canada) as the relationship hasn’t really been tested because the expectations have been stripped back from the life they’ve envisioned due to the crisis.
What has been the call to action a divorce in the UK?
1) The law firm Stewarts, partner Carly Kinch describes the pandemic as a “perfect storm” for couples because of the increased amount of time couples have to spend in each and other’s company.
2) The domestic focus has sharpened, the reasons for the divorce aren’t changing it’s more the focus of what people are unhappy at home about that caused them to action the divorce. This focus has sharpened due to the pandemic.
3) More women have been actioning a divorce, 76% compared to the year before which was 60%.
4) The pronged period of spending time together plus the added pressure with in-home schooling, Christmas, back to school etc.
5) Disproportionate share of housework and childcare still falls short on women.
6) People went into lockdown thinking they can spend more time together and they can also get more help from their partner (that expectation has been far from that).
7) Sleeping in separate rooms to reduce the risk of infection because of either one of the partner’s medical condition, then realising that it didn’t make any difference in the quality of the relationship even before the pandemic and now with the pandemic people get on each other’s nerves.
8) The added pressures and looking after elders.
9) The pandemic has brought about mental health issues that made one partner spiral out of control making the other partner overwork draining them mentally, physically and emotionally.
10) Well established routines that offer comfort have been taken away (you could say the same for any couple around the world). The pressure eventually making the lid pop.
11) The differences magnified during the pandemic, maybe one person is an introvert the other an extrovert and since the external socialising has been reduced it affects the relationship that is currently alive while one requires more space another requires more socialising.
12) THE BIGGEST FACTOR – Income, less income also brings relationships to domestic violence.
13) The crisis has brought about an increase in marital instability.
14) With hardly any money coming in women still base their self-worth on income and the relationship that is struggling due to income affects people mentally, emotionally, and physically.
15) In the minorities, Asians and black there is more worry about what people will think of the divorce than how unhappy the couple or one person is in the relationship. The stigma around separation and divorce still exists.
16) Some marriages have become a marriage of convenience for practical reasons until a better situation presents itself, i.e., where the couple can divorce or separate. There could still be another wave of divorces on the way.
17) People are reassessing their choices and emotional needs.
18) More couples seeking marital counselling.
I’ve basically reduced it down to points from this article which is quite long BBC – Why the pandemic spikes divorces and breakups
In South Africa, there has been a strong surge of couples wanting to divorce more in 2020 than in previous years and there is a backlog. Normally the peak season for divorce in South Africa is after the holiday season, December 2021 could be very intense.
What has been the call to action a divorce in South Africa?
1) Spending months in close forced proximity to each other during the lockdown.
2) The stress (financial and otherwise) marked an impact on the divorce rate.
3) Unhappy couples were left with remedial options between April and June, but the Level 4 and Level 5 lockdown caused inundated divorce applications
4) 11 788 divorce matters were outstanding in the province of Limpopo, this is half of the total divorces (just over 25 000) recorded for the whole of South Africa in 2018, indicating that a large national increase can be expected.
5) A Cape Town attorney says February to March is the divorce season but in 2020, June to November was extremely busy.
6) 62% of divorces has been actioned by women through a DIY divorce option.
7) Marriages already in trouble were exposed during the lockdown.
8) COVID has brought a lot of psychological issues such as anxiety, depression, and fear that created disharmony in relationships.
9) There has been an increase in domestic violence.
10) With the Coronavirus resurge there will be a second wave of divorces.
I’ve basically reduced it down to point format from this article South African divorce rate and COVID.
The upside
In America, 58% of married men and women 18-55 said that the pandemic has made them appreciate their spouse more while 51% of husband and wives said that their commitment has deepened. The American Family Survey found that marriage in trouble fell from 40% in 2019 to 29% in 2020.
More statistics
According to this article on the link below, there has been a 30% rise in divorces in countries like Saudi Arabia and China. South Africa ranks in 83rd place of 154 countries for divorce.
South Africa divorce rate increases by 20% during the lockdown
In the case of custody, more parents are asking for COVID 19 tests from babysitters and tutors. There is also more conflict with couples and less sex. It has been difficult to create connection. Take a look at the article on the link below. It’s also pretty good.
Pandemic drives couples to divorce or to seek help
While in the year 2020 some relationships have fallen apart the important ones have come together or at least the strongest ones remain sustained. The year 2020 has overall gotten rid of what we don’t need, what we need, and it has helped us determine our priorities better. Would you agree?
To end, I’ve put one more article, which is also very interesting to read below.
Divorces and marriage tumble in the US during COVID study shows
Yours sincerely,
T. Dench Patel
Thank you for the comments and support. Thank you for offering to donate if there was a donate button on here. I prefer not to take donations. You can support by purchasing my books (Paperback or Kindle), The South African: True Colours, The South African: Roamer or my children’s book Light. These books can be found on Amazon mainly and other sites in your country.
The audiobook for The South African: True Colours is available on iTunes, Apple and Audible. The South African: Roamer and Light will be released soon.
Note: Do keep referring back to this site as much as possible, as I grow, a more profound perspective may form and so I will always come back to each of these articles to re-evaluate them.
