Just in case you are unfamiliar with the term LGBTQ it means lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer or questioning.
Yesterday I was sitting with a group of girls whom I practised French with. We decided to meet at the local coffee shop which they classed as “good enough” being French (saying this with a smile). As we stood in the queue speaking French something awesome caught my eye. A young girl dressed as Spiderman. I hope the parents who saw me looking at her didn’t think I was judging. I instantly said to one of the girls, “How awesome is that?” She was like, “Yes, I would really like to see a boy dressed as wonder woman.”
I began to wonder while writing this article. I mean the world is evolving i.e. experiences from childhood to adulthood. Life is complex, everchanging, and if you’re living in a box then one day there might just be something that will give you no choice but to leave that box. Don’t wait for that day to come. It is important to be aware, learn and be prepared. Your child is in contact with their generation of kids and with you. Their lives are influenced by what they experience in their time and quite frankly you might not understand it all or understand why they do things. Has there ever been a time where your parents never understood why you did something?
I went back to the time when I was friends with Lucas (which is not his real name). Lucas was gay. He was brought up in Brazil. I really felt for Lucas, I mean Brazil is already a difficult country to grow up in, but I couldn’t even imagine how challenging it must be for someone who is gay. Brazil has 130 million i.e. 64.6% self-declared Catholics. Brazil has the largest Catholic community in the world. I am so proud of Lucas, today he is married to a man and living his absolute dream.
Okay, so back then when I spoke to Lucas I was impressed. He grew up with his sister and mum. Lucas has and had no father figure however his mum loved him and that’s all that mattered. Nothing to accept, just that she loves her children so much that the road for Lucas had one less obstacle. He got the support he needed, and you know what? Nothing else about him was different to any other child. He had resilience, he worked hard, he was patient, he was a dreamer, he had goals, aspirations, love, desires, and pretty much everything else any other human being had in them and more…
I’ve highlighted the word love. Love has a broad meaning and to everyone it means something different. If you find it hard to accept your child’s sexuality then I ask you to look at what definition you’re giving to the word love and what your child’s definition is to the word love.
How to handle things whether you are sure or unsure of your child’s sexual orientation
Firstly, don’t assume anything until your child comes and tells you.
- Don’t have any expectations of how your children should be or what they should be doing (hard one right but keep this at the forefront of every serious discussion you have with them).
- Assess the life they would need, tools they would require to be able to embrace their choice which allows them to empower and strengthen their self-acceptance. We all face rejection in the world but being rejected by the people we know, call our friends and family leaves us in a vulnerable place.
- They need a positive environment as they will need help along the way as well as they need to feel that they can still communicate with someone about their sexual orientation.
- The world today is different from those days. Your child can still become an engineer, hairdresser, artist or whatever they choose.
- Seek support once your child has told you that they are LGBTQ. There are organisations that assist parents and children.
Your child might become distant and perhaps even feel like you’ve pushed them away by not respecting and accepting their decision.
If you love your child, then you’ll have to change. If you love your child, then you want them to be happy. It is their choice, their life and it’s up to them how they want to live it… the same rule for a child who is not LGBTQ. The only difference is that you either have a huge expectation for the life you desired for them than what they envision for themselves. No matter how strong the community beliefs are every family has their own problems. One size does not fit all.
T. Dench Patel
Thank you for the comments and support. Thank you for offering to donate if there was a donate button on here. I prefer not to take donations. You can support by either purchasing one of my books (Paperback or Kindle), The South African: True Colours, The South African: Roamer or my children’s book Light. These books can be found on Amazon mainly and other sites in your country.
The audiobook for The South African: True Colours is available on iTunes, Apple and Audible. The South African: Roamer and Light will be released soon.
Note: Do keep referring back to this site as much as possible, as I grow, a more profound perspective may form and so I will always come back to each of these articles to reevaluate them.
