Over the last forty years, there has been an uprise in the number of educated women in Britain.
Take a look at the statistics on this link
Here is another link
Over the last eighteen years or so there has been an uprise in the number of educated women in third world countries too. This is something I’ve been observing.
Since I’ve come out of a toxic relationship for the last five years I’ve been thinking about the title of the article you see here.
Women have been suppressed for so long. The role that stereotyped women got in the past and even today has got women moving and breaking new ground for the generations to come.
After working with a charity helping women and families coming out of domestic violence, I got to meet the professionals who supervise and support them. They teach me even more and to this day I am still learning.
Some women have never been single for a long time in their whole lives even though they’re very educated and those that know the joys of being independent and single are usually the strongest to leave toxic relationships.
Parents are changing their attitudes and some parents have to empower their daughters. They have no choice in this. Being the first-born daughter has its advantages and disadvantages.
I have got to meet a few women that came out of domestic violence. I really felt sorry for the generation of women who ended up in relationships with uneducated men and even educated men i.e. love marriages and arranged marriages from the past. They had it so hard in an era where women weren’t empowered and had no rights, no proper education, and were made to follow the system like donkeys.
The generation of women who left third world countries and got arranged marriages in South Africa, Kenya, United Kingdom, United States (I could have missed a few other countries here) had to adhere to some really tough situations and today some of them still have tough times. There are so many stories of the appalling things they had and have to put up with.
The other few women who I got to meet surprised me. Just like me, educated yet we still got ourselves in a pickle. Most of these women came from first world countries and some with a unique background. Then I go back to all the articles I read over time.
This is just how I see it.
Woman in a family and times where she was suppressed and controlled. The best education was given to the male sibling. Her future was marriage and to bear children. It was a male-dominated society. Then times change a bit and parents want equality. Equality in the relationship between each other and their children. The girl sees that not all families are like hers and that there are many families still behind. She was lucky to be able to study what she chose but she must still adhere to family, religious beliefs and traditions. There is a drive to achieve accolades and the highest possible grade. Some girls date but they have strict parents. Over time their daughter is seen as a very educated girl and the family is a powerful family in society. She is educated, popular, has a high status in society and a good reputation and very likely to get a potential suitor but does she have any experience at romantic relationships and emotions? The biggest test and challenges are here really. No matter how educated you are that does not guarantee your survival when it comes to working as a partnership.
Have a look at this link. This article was published in 2014
Have a look at this link. This article was published in 2017 for Finland.
What families need to ensure
Intelligence is different from knowing how to have an intelligent partnership. There is a balance required being educated and, in the workplace, you’re usually required to be professional and serious. In a lot of corporate jobs to look and be vulnerable is seen as a weakness whereas to be vulnerable in your relationship is seen as a strength i.e. that is if you have the right partner.
With religious, cultural and stereotype families my theory is that you need to cut somethings loose. Restricting your kids because you are worried they will shame the family, end up with the wrong person, that you want to have them be in the situation where they get the best partner possible or that you would rather pick their partner for them is really and truly out of your control.
In the case that you are a very educated lady do not ignore intuition and warning signs. A man should not be intimidated by your success and if he is then that in itself is a warning sign. As independent as you may be there are times you have to allow a man to be a man and one of those things is to treat you like the lady you are. You are not Superman so do not go around proving him anything. You’re basically taking his power off him. The more you try to be Superman you will end up making him feel like a spider woman who has been cornered. The more you act out that you know everything the less role he has in the relationship. Balance is key.
If there are just too many warning signs you must have the willpower and emotional intelligence to do what is right. Ladies, there is no rush, just get to know the guy properly. Don’t gamble with your life and don’t believe everything he says. Actions speak louder than words.
Here’s a tip, when starting the relationship, it’s good to go for couples’ therapy so that you both learn how to do things better. It’s best to set the tone with healthy habits and patterns which might be difficult to turn around later down the line.
Parents set the standard for girls, teenagers and women. Whether your daughter has the best education or not teach them that they are not the cheapest thing on the menu. They should remember this all the time. Your girls should have set this bar when they’re about to date and if a man can’t understand this from the beginning then be done with him. You’re better off alone than having to deal with what’s to come later down the line.
Remember having accolades and the best education doesn’t teach you intuition. Follow that intuition and act on it. Don’t ignore the red flags and then self-sabotage yourself.
T. Dench Patel