Hello friends,
hey, ho!!! It’s Tuesday.
How’s it going? Or shall I speak Australian, “how you going?”
You know I thought this is a great topic and so few people have actually talked about it. I also thought about what happened to me when I started one relationship that turned out very toxic.
You know let’s be real, all this nonsense that you shouldn’t change for a person, you shouldn’t change for anyone is either an excuse or very subjective for many reasons, but what if I tell you that if one of two people in a relationship is/are excited to live and is asking the other to change I certainly believe that it’s for the best. I mean if you begin a relationship boring you might as well stop wasting each other’s time. God knows how that is going to end later on.
I remember when I returned from the United Kingdom last year, my God, some men in the patriarchal society! One man came to tell me he won’t change before I could even utter another word after, “Hello, how are you?”
Let me ask you some questions?
- To get better at something you really want to keep in your life, like let’s say a hobby that you enjoy but want to take further, would you not go and learn how to take it further so you can enjoy it more?
- You like cars, would you just stay at liking cars or there’s something about it that is taking you further into liking cars that you can’t get enough of? Once you got one car would you want more and more and more… Please don’t go and part exchange your girlfriends and wives!!! 😀 You know this saying, “A woman’s loyalty is tested when her man has nothing, and a man’s loyalty is tested when he has everything.” – Unknown
- Does the river remain the same size? Do the rocks in the river remain the same size?
- Do the planets not change and is the universe not constantly changing?
- To become the best version of yourself, would you not need to change?
- To recreate your life from negative patterns to positive patterns should you not change how you think first?
So, why would you not change from the beginning if something is healthy for you if your state of mind is elevated if your happiness is being increased if you are learning new things that you actually enjoy or not sure about but try anyway? So if the girl/guy you’re dating tells you please don’t come late and you come late not once, the odd times but all the time, would you excuse it as “That’s just how I am,” or “This is Spanish culture,” while to her/him it’s simply seen as disrespectful. Would you still not change this? Why? What aspect is holding you back? Pride? Ego? Power game?
Or the fact that you really want to build something good with him/her?
This is where the red flags come in. A lot of people miss the detail and signs at the beginning which is where the nature of unhealthy patterns really begins and show themselves more and more as the relationship move forward.
So why is change such a bad thing especially if two people are envisioning an awesome life together, a healthy relationship together, building some idea of Rome in their heads? I mean isn’t life supposed to be something worth living for rather than dying prematurely?
Change is something inevitable especially when it comes to progress, one would need to change a job or a role if they’re unhappy, one would need to change their diet if they’re unhealthy and not feeling the love for their own body, one would need to change their lifestyle if they’re planning to have kids, one would need to change something all the time throughout life to adapt to crisis, environments, situations, job promotions, marriage, entering a relationship but where it’s only you being affected it’s easy to make a decision but when there are two of you there needs to be freedom in agreement, not headstrong locking horns like bulls. “My way or the highway, your way or the doorway, how bout our way and the free-way? Hip Hip Hooray!” – T. Dench Patel, 23 November 2020, 16:42 … That sounds and feels much cooler.
And so, bringing this to a full circle Changing right from the start or later pay for an expensive therapist, maybe even an expensive divorce! Oof! What if you have to pay for both? Most of all, is it worth having your life on the line?
Why would you want to live the pain, the heartache, the toxicity, the negativity, the destruction of dignity, the power game, i.e. basically the downward spiral? Only to get further down, emotional bankruptcy to the next stage, financial bankruptcy? Often when something has passed beyond the point of returning the chances are it can’t return, or it won’t return unless the person becomes their own hero. This is often the case during the end process. It’s all about timing and grabbing the bull by the horns (please no literal bullfighting) knowing you can’t stoop further or deeper now. Draw the line in the sand, draw the boundary, don’t b****y go there.
So why change in the end when it’s penniless, less painful, less headache, and a result of a happy ending if you can change from the very beginning? – T. Dench Patel, 23 November 2020, 17:53
With all that being said, it’s not any person’s job in the relationship to fix someone. No relationship should start that way instead it should be up to each individual to work on themselves so that they can create the relationship they imagine. – T. Dench Patel, 23 November 2020, 21:35
Yours sincerely,
T. Dench Patel
Thank you for the comments and support. Thank you for offering to donate if there was a donate button on here. I prefer not to take donations. You can support by purchasing my books (Paperback or Kindle), The South African: True Colours, The South African: Roamer or my children’s book Light. These books can be found on Amazon mainly and other sites in your country.
The audiobook for The South African: True Colours is available on iTunes, Apple and Audible. The South African: Roamer and Light will be released soon.
Note: Do keep referring back to this site as much as possible, as I grow, a more profound perspective may form and so I will always come back to each of these articles to re-evaluate them.
