How are you today? I hope you have had a lovely weekend.
I was here thinking about what will help you; I dug through a few things that I thought I could do with listening to on YouTube and at the same time I thought of something that I thought would be good for you to know. What are my thoughts about going into a relationship after being single for six years? Am I afraid? Yes, in fact, terrified! Why, because relationships are not easy, they are not straight forward, it is an investment. Just like the amount of invested time, you would put into any friendship or family bonds. Every time one more person is added to the equation that means allocation on time for one more person in your life. It sounds like a job, but it’s a big job to build a castle, an empire, a strong foundation to build something lasting, yes it takes work.
Did he invest in you and did you invest in him? How long did it take? Did you just give him all your trust just like that, and did he give you all his trust just like that? How long did it take? How do you know you’ve trusted the right person?
Did it take you one night, one month or even six months? I can tell you that even those who get married in six months still keep working things out after the marriage, and also to this date…
The investing and building trust don’t ever end…
I can happily tell you that I found the recipe for women who come out of domestic violence – the full healing. I have made my own recipe, and I am fully recovered. You should have seen me in 2014; I was completely drained and out of energy all the time. I felt tired all the time. I wasn’t on time for anything, and those who knew me before this experience will tell you that I was not ever late and the times I was can be counted on four fingers in say two years. In 2014, I wanted to live in the world of sleep more than in the land of the living.
I am here to tell you what I’ve learnt over six years that gave me hope that there are good men out there and happy couples. I’ve chosen to look at good role models this time around because I am older and wiser. A marriage, relationship or partnership can end at any time. I guess the tuning gets off or something changes and when two people no longer want the same thing or similar things which are important that form a base/foundation for a strong, healthy and stable relationship then you better not waste each other’s time. Time is precious guys and girls. Rather not waste your time ending up in a relationship that you’re forcing to happen (it’s something else if two people really want to make it work and work things out) but if that is not likely to happen, then do no waste time, or you might end up wasting your time, life, energy and end up living in pain for years. Not only that, recovery to get back your power, get full healing and shine your bright light will seem decades away… especially if you’re in a toxic relationship.
So, what have I learnt? No person comes ready-made like the person you might be dreaming of falling in love with when you read those romance novels, watch those romance movies and listen to the lyrics of the romantic songs. Snap out of it, teenagers! That first true love; you’ve both idolised the idea of love and some of you out there married your high school or college sweetheart. Yes, it was awesome at the beginning and the right time to enjoy that moment. You are at your purest most of the time then and don’t know the real big bad world when you have to start working, paying bills, arguing about children, etc.
The best thing is that you have no idea that you’re investing in each other, especially if you’re around good role models and have healthy habits. Still, you haven’t met the real world as yet.
I understand that teenage pregnancy and the reality that comes with that hits you hard. There’s a time that single people just want to have fun, this is especially evident during my young days and I watched this when I was around a group of Erasmus students. They were all out to have fun.
In the last six years I’ve learnt that you are just too expensive to give away all that you’ve learnt in a lifetime for someone else’s belief’s in their lifetime in 1 night, 1 week, 3 weeks, a month or even six months or god know what that space of time can be. Women especially do that when they meet a man. Fighting to hold onto your individuality should not even be a fight. If a man is allowed to be an individual all his life, why not you? Keeping things together with strong foundations still allowing you to chuck out concepts that you intuitively not sure about as yet or ready for and slowly come to agreeing on it or disagreeing on it in your time is your current journey anyway, right? Or at least I hope it is. If you like the concept, then go with it, try it out, ditch it if you don’t think it’s for you. It doesn’t mean you’ve given in and he or she has won. This is where stubbornness, ego and games just don’t help. It’s about your journey as individuals and uniting as one as often as you can too.
You’re both in the making together and the more you work on those things together the more you will realise from you both investing in the same amount and on occasions a little more than the other that you’ve made each other unique, and that is when you know there is no one unlike him or her because you saw and currently seeing each other’s journey in and out, through and true.
I like this message in this video below.
“I am ruthless with ditching people that don’t give me energy.”
“You don’t understand, we have an amazing connection. We’re great together and when we’re together there’s fireworks, there’s chemistry, we have such a great time. Well, that is a really dangerous thing to base investment off of.”
“When I invest a little bit, does he meet me there? Okay, I am attracted to you, let me invest in you a little. Do you invest back? Oh! You did. Okay, let me invest a little bit more.”
“The part where you say, I want to see you and the part where he says, yeah, I want to see you should be f****** easy.”
“Relationships aren’t always equal, but they can’t always be unequal in the same direction.”
“That is how any relationship is built. You don’t start with the trust you build the trust.”
“It takes two people to build a castle together.”
“As you build the castle it becomes more and more beautiful, more and more yours…”
I can choose more amazing points from this video but I rather you take a look at it and listen to it.
Thank yourself for taking the time to read something. You obviously here because you want to improve something in your life.
Here is the video.
T. Dench Patel