How are you today?
I had so many topics that I wanted to write about that I kept squabbling about which one to write about that eventually I had to take a break from them all and let it come to me naturally. 😀
This one is a very important topic especially for the ladies even though men will get value from it as well. Come on ladies, you know how emotional we all get and how we let emotions run our decisions that we even get approval from our emotions, especially when people have earned very little of our respect. Yes, I’ve done this before and then I became a doormat (thank god that is the past) but remember ladies it does take two to tango (yes men, it does).
Today, this topic is going to be crucial for you and for all of us, including me. I’ve learnt a few things as I have been in a few training sessions and I wanted to transfer this knowledge to you. So, the first and foremost message I wanted to give you is the actual title of this post, yes, go with your heart, but take your brain with you quote by Jim Kwik.
Why should you take your brain with you? Because the hormonal effects causing you to feel what you feel is temporary, hence why having emotional intelligence will keep things stable through emotional rollercoasters and reality. It is crucial you get it right because most of the time you live in reality. Did you know that feelings can become addictive, it’s no different from a drug? That’s why the brain can make mistakes especially, in romantic relationships; when your brain releases oxytocin, dopamine and even some endorphins.
That is, women can end up with bad men who are bad news even when they know that they are bad. Why? Doctor, Professor and author Lauretta Brunning says that oxytocin increases trust in a person; you get an illusion that the guy is perfect even when he really is bad news. On a woman, oxytocin has a different effect on feelings or the body compared to a man.
This is why this topic is crucial. All it takes is a cuddle sometimes for oxytocin to be released.
Important point – Ladies, after you have been with a guy even if it means a cuddle beware you will idolise the guy, and if he’s bad news oxytocin and self-sabotage is not a cool mix.
Now when you’re with a good guy and love is reciprocated is one of the best feelings the human body gets to feel. This is why great feelings can be addictive and so the brain is designed to always get more; the same love rush and that’s how come some women become more needy. You won’t be yourself because of all these hormones, so, emotional intelligence ladies. Keep reading this article if you need to after every date.
These hormones can lead to a lot of mistakes.
So, remember that the “high” will end and stop looking for the “high”.
Now you’re probably asking how do I do this Dench Patel? Hey, I am no relationship expert, but I’ve been learning to manage my internal compass over the last six years, mastering it will take continuous practise.
So, my opinion is you going to have to take this with a pinch of salt and an open heart. Enjoy the experience but do not give the stamp of approval based on such a low investment. Come on ladies, you’re worth it, you’re worth more than a couple of experiences that go with a few dates. Stop giving away the whole damn cake for free! Is that how you treat yourself, you gem of a woman? Build something real and building something real means being strong with yourself.
You don’t have to give him a label, it takes time to see people for who they really are, so give yourself that time lady. If he invests you invest and give respect back each time he invests in you invest and return the respect, give the good guy credit, but not too much. Balance is key.
If you’re into meditation etc. you’ll understand the word higher self. Make your higher self the director of the emotions and feelings over what the crazy brain can do.
Now if you have a balanced harmonious relationship which you are building, emotional intelligence is important so that you know when you’re over-crediting and under crediting. The importance of using your emotional intelligence is because your vision is obscured by the hormones which causes you to make mistakes.
Sometimes it’s simply talking to yourself, mentoring yourself that you can put reason into you. It’s really time that will tell who stays and who leaves, how you use emotional intelligence will help you decide who stays and who leaves, and over time at least when you see the entire truth you would know that you’ve made some good decisions through emotional intelligence and for you, after reading this article I am keeping fingers crossed for you that in the end, you would be happy with your decisions through your emotional intelligence of the people you are surrounded by.
T. Dench Patel
Always in your corner.