Okay, so here you are. Putting cutex on your nails, doing some awesome clothes shopping, getting your eyebrows done, getting a haircut and maybe you stop there, or maybe you’re also going to the gym. Is this self-love? I call that say ten percent of self-love.
Okay, now you’re putting a thick base, fake nails, fake extensions, thick mascara and you look great and feel great. You look like a barbie doll. Is this self-love? Nope.
“Why? But I feel good,” you say. I ask you, “Are you not good enough without the thick base, fake nails, fake extensions and thick mascara?” If this is what you’re doing daily. How do you feel when you take these things off before going to bed? Do you feel worse, better or the same?
Okay, so I have never put makeup daily. I guess I’ve never been the makeup kinda girl. I put light makeup on occasions.
Honesty, I don’t know how it makes one feel. I feel like the same person underneath it. I drink a glass of water, and I don’t have the patience to top up the lipstick. Maybe I’m lazy 😊.
You know for many years I had no clue what self-love really was. So there were times when I was young, dressed vibrant, felt confident, put a little makeup and felt better, wanted to impress, wanted to be cool and you know all the things women do when they don’t know any better. I am here to give you information, so you know better.
Do you still feel empty inside after doing all of the above? Are you still single after doing all of the above? Did your relationship break down in a couple of months after doing all of the above? If not, then I ask you to do a self-check and once you do that check who you are with and ask yourself why are they with you?
I say a bit outer work is essential for self-love, so I’d use more Aloe-Vera gels on my skin, good lotions, take a nice salt bath at times while I listen to meditation music, and burn sage. I exercise in the form of dance, meditate daily and do as much inner work as possible. I do the whole girly things all we ladies have to do, but I guess it’s a balance. If I have to choose, I’d rather have my inner me shine more than the outer me.
I want to be around people who are not superficial, you know the more you show, the more you attract. I’d rather show me as me and attract that back. I guess because I’ve met all sorts of characters in my travelling time and a bit of everything taught me that I’d rather attract good, pure, honest, sensible people from the things I nourish inside me through my practices.
Now don’t become so serious like me, I am sure I will add more elements of self-love to me, as there are phases in life that you learn to nourish only certain things according to where you are at in life. I want to bring a bit more fun into my life (maybe that’s why you’re wearing makeup or maybe not), but I want to have fun through activities with my friends again while over time I’ve learnt to make better choices when it comes to friends.
I see self-love as a combination of things one does over time but doesn’t stop on certain things, i.e. dress good (not provocative all the time – there’s a time and place for everything), look after your body externally and internally (the things you consume and put on your body), exercise (this can even be in the form of dance), be fun and playful to lighten the atmosphere, make time for prayer if that is what you want, say affirmations if this is what you need, face your fears, teach yourself to be authentic, teach yourself compassion for yourself, forgive yourself, be kind to yourself, don’t judge yourself, accept yourself, set boundaries, be mindful, protect yourself, live with an intention, stop a bad habit, practise positive thinking, meditation, travel, and you and I know this list goes on…
A relationship coach one said, “Women who think self-love is everything superficial on the outside don’t understand that people want connection. People don’t want to be on guard the whole time with a temptress and feel insecure.” As I observed over time, I saw that those who are serious about someone they love feel a genuine connection and have an authentic relationship. The committed man goes for a woman with the ultimate inner power.
You see we all have playfulness, sexiness, temptresses, manipulation, trickery, lies if we choose but you know what you can turn it only a healthy thing. Say for example if you’re hosting a surprise party and unfortunately, you have to do the minimal lying because there are certain things you can’t escape from. So we can either use the playfulness, sexiness, temptress, manipulation, trickery, lies the wrong way or use it now and again for a positive experience. I mean who wants to be boring and personally I think I am getting out of the boring phase myself after tons of spiritual work which I will continue because it’s time to have fun now. I sat years after work, during my holidays and weekends working on my books, sacrificed so much time away from home buying freedom through visas. It’s truly time to live freely and beautifully again after all mother nature loves herself so much that she even shares her home, beauty, power, light, animals, plants, oceans, mountains, hot springs, air, water, ocean and so many amazing gifts with us.
Why are we wasting ourselves away by smoking cigarettes, taking drugs, drinking alcohol and escaping the awesomeness of our true selves and nature? People are missing the chances of seeing their uniqueness because they want to fit into the crowd, society or escaping some part of themselves.
Self-love is handling the demons gracefully and letting them go not hiding it or escaping from it. Find a community where you can flourish through being who you truly are and continue working on yourself.
Enjoy this video.
T. Dench Patel