So many people don’t have an idea how many unresolved issues lies within them when it comes to their close circle of family and friends until someone close to them has left this planet forever. We also underestimate what difference closing off topics of the past with this person will do for their life before they leave.
Have you closed off all topics in peace when it comes to you and this person whether they have died or whether they’re still alive?
I am very aware that some deaths are sudden, and the reality is that not everyone makes it to old age. That is why it’s important to make the best of people’s presence and not take them for granted. You will have more matters to close within yourself if you have been the unreasonable one.
One way or another you will be faced with them and it’s better to face them than to drown yourself in addictions. Even if it means it will take time to untangle it one by one. At least this way it doesn’t take over your life.
These are the things you could be feeling after someone close to you dies or when you’ve ended a relationship
- Grief
- Feelings of hopelessness
- Depression
- Guilt
- Resentment
- Fear and Anxiety
- Relief
- Sadness
- Pain
- Anger
- Denial
- Shock
- Longing
- Other people’s reactions
A couple months or years down the line
- Regret
- Guilt
- Resentment
- Fear and Anxiety
- Sadness
- Anger with yourself or to the person who died or the person whom you have ended the relationship with.
Physical effects
- Exhaustion
- Aches and pains
- Restlessness or hyperactivity
- Feeling sick such as an upset stomach, chest pains or headaches
- Panic attacks
- Disturbed sleep or nightmares
Behavioural effects
- Loss of appetite or comfort eating
- Withdrawal
- Difficulty making decisions
- Avoidance
- Self-medication
- Aggression
- Seeking reassurance
Isn’t it a long list? If there are points that you can think of which you don’t see here, then please write it in the comments. It will help everyone reading this article.
If you have been in a relationship where there was domestic violence you will feel the above points more intensely and often there might not be a way to close things off in peace because of continuous unreasonable behaviour of people. What’s important is that you get closure, start taking care of yourself and the feelings that will surface. Be ready that some of the points above will most definitely come up a lot.
Even though some of your long-term relationships haven’t been a smooth running you have attached memory and emotions to things just like every other person on this planet. The amount of time you knew this person and the engagements you’ve had with them are strong feelings that will take time to settle down and for you to adjust with the reality.
In the beginning everything going on inside you will be out of control and if you’re strong at keeping it all together or being the stronger one for others there will be a breaking point in life where you will have to face what you’ve been keeping in.
Say what you really feel in the present because you don’t know when you’ll get the chance to say it again. Once that moment has passed you might just end up waiting a long time for the right time to say what you really want to say and by then that person might not be there. Making the most of people’s company when they’re alive will help make it easier to move on after they’re gone.
Now, say you want to leave a long-term relationship wouldn’t you be doing some of the following steps?
- Prepare yourself
- Be honest
- Break the news
- Exchange your things
- Learn to cope with the break-up
- Stop all contact
- Be kind to yourself
Hope you’ve got to see that death is very much existent even if a person didn’t die and that some piece of the individuals in the situation dies too whether it’s a death or a long-term relationship that has ended.
T. Dench Patel
Thank you for the comments and support. Thank you for offering to donate if there was a donate button on here. I prefer not to take donations. You can support by either purchasing one of my books (Paperback or Kindle), The South African: True Colours, The South African: Roamer or my children’s book Light. These books can be found on Amazon mainly and other sites in your country.
The audiobook for The South African: True Colours is available on iTunes, Apple and Audible. The South African: Roamer and Light will be released soon.
Note: Do keep referring back to this site as much as possible, as I grow, a more profound perspective may form and so I will always come back to each of these articles to reevaluate them.
