How’s it going? Hope the weekend went great.
I’m still enjoying the hot sun, actually, I have never been this brown in many many years… I like 😊.
You might see the following piece of writing with offence, but today I really don’t care. I think it needs to be unpackaged and addressed, this can be happening with you whether you are white, black, coloured, Indian, a wolf, a lion or a fox… but right now I use Indians because they seem to be the tribe that I used to be around a lot, after all I was born in this tight-knit Indian community. Some things like the below really needs to die, I think it’s about time. My ears are sore from it…
I’ll tell you what, aren’t you sick of the fake world? You know when people say, I know so and so for sooo many years, he’s like a son to me and he sees me as his father or this one, this one gets me the most; we know each other for donkey’s years, this guy, ya, this guy he is my best friend (as they do the buddy greeting), eish we had so many good times together. It’s all good to have fun and have drinks over it right? As long as you’re not buying all the rounds over and over again. The more people that gather and drink alcohol together think it’s fun to have more people drinking with them and they drink more and more… Majority of the shabeens and bar staff (even owners of these places) don’t care about calling it quits to serving drinks to someone who can’t stand straight anymore and worse to someone who is super drunk and still can drive themselves home. They want money, they don’t care about people.
You know when I can see a person spiralling downwards, it really makes me sick to the stomach that someone is telling their immediate soul family that they take them as their son. I don’t think so, you won’t let you son spiral downwards, and you won’t allow him to reach so far down the spiral just like that, and so if you tell their immediate soul family, “This guy here, he is my best friend (as they do the buddy greeting), eish we had so many good times together,” deep inside their immediate soul family can’t help to ask, “If you were such good friends since donkey’s years where were you in the last decade especially on the worst of times? How come we hardly saw you around your so-called good friend or at our house?” Just words, it holds nothing, no weight, that is no sign of you keeping your word or anything. Every time I visit South Africa, I only hear this from Indians, in my case Hindus, as if it builds some kind of trust, but where are/were they through the darkest times, … yep sitting with that person in the bar who is spiralling downwards…
When you find yourself in a crowd like this be very worried…
No one can see no one get better or go to a better place it’s a cycle of feeding each other’s inadequacies making sure that the one with possibilities never gets out… You must have so many issues around your worth. It is more acceptable for a woman to say, “I love myself” in the mirror to herself but if you tell a men that around the crowd that boosts his testosterone levels they meet each other with “What the hell,” as if they have no sensitive side what so ever, or as if you have spoken an alien language, but when they sit on their own the next day after the “fake fun” of illusion that comes after sitting in the pub and disappointing yourself over and over again, they sit there with their raw emotions, depression, issues etc. as if they have to mask it and that it’s okay for a woman; it’s in the women’s core nature to live unmasked on such topics. Strip it down, the truth is the truth; depression, spiralling downwards, sadness, sensitivity, anxiety, panic, emotion happens to men too and what’s worst in patriarchal societies is that the masking of feelings and emotions are worst than that of liberal men. The pressure to “be a man,” is stronger in patriarchal societies.
The sooner you rip off the mask, face it, that men go through this just like women but because it’s masked and has been in the genes to mask it you have never found a way to deal with it, therefore, you will always go around being an imposter. You will always want to be like the man who has everything set and retired, social status, the works etc. You will always want to be like someone else as long as you don’t remove the mask and face it. Once you begin working on that, that’s where you begin to find out who you really are, once you go through the process you uncover your true worth.
You know I don’t think it’s cool to serve people alcohol and cigarettes to make money, at all, if you truly value gastronomy then the people that come in and out of your place will talk for itself. The world as I’ve seen it and the pub owners who sunk through it for all the wrong reasons have helped their clients get worse lives. The people who go drinking in pubs to drown their sorrows, to get drunk for nothing at any day of the week following the circle they form in the pub, whereas those who’ve passed that phase have learnt to use their once upon a time “pub time” to unmask and discover their worth.
Don’t remain an imposter, don’t follow the crowd, don’t become the crab that gets dragged down the minute you are close to coming out of the bucket by the crab below you, stop getting validation from people who don’t even truly know who you are and discover your true worth by removing your mask and face everything that lies underneath it. It’s alright because there are just as many men looking at each other for someone to remove their mask so that it’s okay and safe for them to do the same.
T. Dench Patel