What is the definition of a narcissist?
A narcissist is a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves.
A narcissist can almost be compared to a wolf in a sheep’s skin.
It’s tough to spot a narcissist because they’re always seeking admiration and don’t have the ability to be vulnerable hence, they’re always playing a game of pretence.
How to spot a Narcissist?
- A narcissist can be someone who boasts and has a feeling of self-importance.
- Narcissists often want to look good and will have a false sense of “good intention” to get what they want. The constant need for admiration and stroking of their ego. They will change their persona a lot to get what they want and live an unauthentic life.
- Narcissists can be shy and quiet while many people think that they’re open and loud.
- It’s never their fault it’s always the other person’s fault. This goes hand in hand with point number one. They hide behind taking any responsibility when they are at fault because of the need to want to always look good to other people by pretending to have a false sense of “good intention”.
- The conversation always goes back to them. The conversation could be about doing charity work and then suddenly it would be about them, what they lack and need.
- The narcissist is full of excuses. This point goes hand in hand with point number three. They’re not able to take full responsibility for their lives and because they’re used to blaming they will always have an excuse as to why something didn’t work out.
- The narcissist lacks empathy and ignores how others feel.
- The narcissist envies others and at the same time thinks others envy them. They won’t take responsibility, and because they are prone to blaming and making excuses. It makes them envious when others have the capability to achieve what they’ve set out to achieve.
- The narcissist will find a mate that he/she can control. The mate is someone they can control, manipulate, blackmail, lie to, gas-light, abuse physically, verbally and emotionally.
- Narcissists tend to believe their own stories. They believe they have authority even if they haven’t lived a fulfilled life. They also tend to think they are experienced even if they never even have a fraction of experience and knowledge about things.
- The narcissist is very arrogant. The narcissist rarely apologises and feel inferior due to their experiences in the past and puts a cover over their feeling of inferiority. They complain and criticise a lot. By watching how they treat influencers compared to how they would treat a cashier will tell you a lot about how they could treat you.
- The narcissist takes almost everything personal. If you’re a woman or man who has already been in a number of relationships you’ve chosen to let go of, then end up having a relationship and decide to end it with a narcissist because you’re strong enough and know where it is going, leaving the person can become more of a nightmare than you think. You might find yourself stitched up in other things you never even thought twice about. They cannot take constructive criticism and feedback positively.
- The narcissist hardly has any real friends. The narcissist only seeks people they plan to use for their personal gains. They play a game using their false sense of goodwill.
- The narcissist has a sense of entitlement. The narcissist has got away for years doing what he/she has been doing, and the more they have got away with has built their sense of entitlement so much so that they cross the line. They don’t think they will ever get caught and live in denial. They don’t believe they’re the narcissist with the stories they tell themselves that they become criminals.
- The narcissist won’t take no for an answer. From the above point, the narcissist thinks they can take and get whatever they want from people. They are so obsessed with their personal gains that they don’t care if they cross the line.
I wrote this article about narcissists, and I should have written about it a long time ago. My experience with a narcissist was rare, considering the circumstances around it, and I know two people so far who have been through this type of situation based on their circumstances. There must be many more, but it was the first time in eighteen years that I met someone in my groups who told me that they’ve been through the same situation “the basis of” why a narcissist picked us and made everyone think we’ve picked them for getting residency.
I really want to warn foreigners out there (even the general public), but I say foreigners because they’re the most vulnerable. They don’t expect to meet people who pretend to be a person for years that they’re not and fall into the complot of a setup that they themselves couldn’t even imagine considering and that their family are miles away from them. You’d also say that you’re the one ridiculous for finally figuring out their complot, but that’s what narcissists want to make you feel, i.e. that you’re the crazy one. My question is how can anyone spend so much time thinking about these evil things when life is incredibly awesome?
In a world where immigrants are disliked, the narcissist I was with was educated mind you, and had everything yet was unhappy with the idea of not having me for his wants and gains. What kept me tied to him for years was that I was an extrovert and him the introvert. It looked like I was the controller, when in fact, he was controlling me. Putting on a brave face each time I went to a social event or was around people empowered him, and slowly, I was falling into a trap where no one even believed me. He made it ever so convincing that I would look ridiculous in my claim about being hijacked entirely by him. I was in a prison, and of course people would think how the hell can I be trapped when I am an extrovert, but the truth was, I was putting on a brave face as that was what I did for years and besides in everyone’s eyes it’s the foreigner who uses us and the system, right?
In two thousand and fourteen, when I split from the person who hijacked my life completely my friend who’s like a sister to me and looked after me through sickness and getting myself up found the movie and put the movie gone girl for me to watch and you know what? I wished this movie had come out years before two thousand and fourteen because then I really would have known who I was with and that I needed to run, run fast and very very far.
To finish this article, I say please, every man and woman should watch gone girl. Then you would understand the full picture rather than the tip of the iceberg that I’m giving you here.
T. Dench Patel