What is estimating your worthiness?

There are several contributing factors to what is estimating your worthiness i.e., how you may feel and how exposed you have been to these contributing factors day in and day out.

So, I am going to give you some real situations which I have witnessed and experienced in my life that can help you to determine what is estimating your worthiness.

We will go through what contributed to these feelings. Please feel free to amplify your experience and what caused and causes you may have had to what is estimating your worthiness in the comments section.

Growing up in the apartheid era has instilled and engraved a natural state of unworthiness in both men and women here in South Africa that when apartheid ended many people of South Africa didn’t know how to heal. They just carried on. I have witnessed things myself as well and witnessed a few things outside of my sphere. Here’s my take.

Through my observation, these are contributing factors to what is estimating your worthiness?

Racism

Deterring from just apartheid, I want to add that I have lived in 5 countries from my early 20s thus far (including South Africa), and in all 5 countries trying to make it as an Indian woman was always a struggle, and secondly being Indian I faced a lot of stereotypical thinking of people on Indians being directed to me. Believe it or not, I fully integrated with the community, after all, I wouldn’t be fluent in Spanish if I didn’t integrate wholeheartedly, or be able to be part of a snowboarding group in Switzerland etc. Don’t you think it’s time to move on? We live in a completely new world now, where the president of the United States of America can be an Indian in an extremely successful box office Hollywood movie and in real life too more often amongst African Americans, Caucasians, Coloureds, Asians and Indians in this new future. Diversity in almost everything we will do in the future is inevitable. India already has Italians in its political parties.

Going back to apartheid and what is estimating your worthiness now…

a) There was generally a fear of being around white South Africans during apartheid.

A lot of people mainly Indians and the coloured people I knew (from dance, drama, and music group and the area I worked in part-time when I was 13 years old) naturally were afraid of being around white South Africans, in general as if they were doing something wrong by default the minute, they saw a white person. I felt anxious, like maybe I wasn’t on the right side of the road, or I needed to jump off the pavement to let them pass. This came through from television, childhood, and teenage experiences. One doesn’t see a flourished equal society if they live in a segregated area with Indian people most of the time. I remember friends who preferred working for an Indian because it made them feel scared and anxious about working for a white person. They said they didn’t feel capable enough, well-spoken or educated enough to be employed by a white South African.

b) Non-white men could not defend themselves when they were treated unfairly during apartheid. Indians had a law which didn’t allow them to do business where they wanted to during apartheid.

c) When writing this article on the 24 October 2018 I’ve seen the below article of a woman who was shocked and depressed. She was attacked on a Ryanair flight. Apartheid or no apartheid racism still exists everywhere in the world.

Passenger filmed racist tirade on Ryanair flight to show world

Culture

As an Indian girl, I was surrounded by women and girls whose worth is/was determined by the males they were surrounded by day in and day out. To some extent, the African, Spanish and Italian cultures have similarities here.

a) With regards to the patriarchal society till today, women are told how to dress if not told directly it certainly comes through via drama by using shame, what to study, what kind of job they should take, the kind of man they should marry, what to say, when to say it and the list goes on. Women feel like they will let their parents/parent, uncles, brothers, aunties and God knows who else down by making their own decisions. Some women have been robbed of their worth by allowing a man to treat them less than they deserve to be treated. What contributes to this is that most women fear how hard it is to make it on their own especially if they are living in a country where unemployment, crime, violence, and domestic violence are high. So, a lot of women adopt the Spanish quote “Más vale malo conocido que bueno por conocer”. The translation of this quote is “a known evil is better than the unknown appearance of good to still get to know”.

b) During Franco’s era, Spanish women were given sexual standards of conduct, however, none were given to men. Women’s roles were respected as mothers and wives. They were also restricted in their career. They could not divorce, and they were not allowed to take contraception, or have an abortion, however, prostitution was allowed.

c) In the Hindu culture girls and boys are pressured to hold up the family legacy and the family “pride”. How well you are doing compared to others, and the looming pressure of not becoming a loser. Often the one with a master’s degree is the winner and the one who is trying while they are in an insignificant job, a small house or even no house is a loser.

d) Culture can be confusing with religion for some. The number of restrictions put on women began by men who also decided who can and cannot be a priest, a cardinal, or the next papa of the Vatican (surely not a woman), today slowly there are some changes but still, it’s moving very slow.

Bullying

Man, if bullying in the play area was bad just imagine what the bully is like when they’re older?

Being humiliated, name-calling, belittling, exclusion and being gossiped about is something we have all been through at some point in our lives. Sometimes the bully/bullies can be your family members and extended family members.

You are entitled to do and be who you want to be. People who do not take advantage of the vulnerable are people one can call family and friends. These are the people who have been tested and haven’t betrayed a person’s trust. The days when blood holds love together are gone, one can still break the chains that negative people keep down on others in the name of love. Love isn’t being tied to people who constantly hurt others, sometimes love is leaving them so that they can learn the value of love and how to love, for real. – T. Dench Patel, 17 May 2022, 20:52

Have the courage to get up, and anchor your beliefs, maybe you can try to meditate or practice affirmations. Start small and you will slowly get back your self-esteem and confidence and work on what is estimating your worthiness.

Fear

Men and women feel afraid. I mean who doesn’t! Everyone has something to lose, but the ones who aren’t afraid to risk are free or on the path to attaining more freedom.

I mean we are all going to die one day, why are we living dead?

There will always be something to be scared of but living in fear isn’t living at all. Let go of the control because no one knows the outcome, not even you.

What is estimating your worthiness? Fear.

Please watch this video by Susan David born South African. She is an award-winning psychologist.

The gift and power of emotional courage by Susan David

I love the part in the video when she mentions “dead people’s goals”.