How are you today?
Hope you are well on this Wednesday evening.
I thought this topic affects everyone; from a Company Director to a housewife.
It affects you and me whether I’m telling you yes or no. You might be this smiley and bubbly person but if that is your character underneath you are definitely feeling something when you say yes almost all the time and the minute you start saying no, you are called a lot of names.
See children and teenagers are still learning to manage their emotions, but should we as adults interfere with that process?
Even if we did want to, we can’t. It’s for that child or teenager to process things on their own unless they’re losing full control, i.e. when I see extreme cases of bullying.
You can help them manage it wisely though by teaching them how to manage their emotions and thoughts. Unfortunately, bullying is such a vicious circle that even workplace bullying goes on with middle-aged women and men right up to this day. I have even met a sixty-year-old work bully.
So why is it so difficult to say No, and why is it easier to say yes? Because the majority prefer a nice, sweet, bubbly person so that they can have their way, especially if you’re working for someone. They usually have it their way (the boss) anyway. Are you saying yes because of fear? In codependent families, there are often enablers who can’t say No.
Why are you responsible for saying yes or no?
Let me show you by you saying yes or no what it means; to yourself and to others. Let me also show you how you play a part in what happens to another person.
- Someone asked you out on a date for the second time, but you’re not really interested in them, and because you couldn’t say no you said yes. You didn’t want to hurt their feelings.
You got the person’s hopes up, they went through so much trouble to organise the date and took an evening off their time to spend it with you.
On the date, you are not present with that person either physically or in your mind. Maybe you’re faking so that they don’t feel so bad or perhaps you’re looking at your phone a lot.
You’ve wasted that person’s time, disrespected them and even possibly hurt them, and not to forget he/she might have realised too late that they spent their money on someone who did not matter at all.
Worst of all, you’ve disrespected yourself. Why? Think about what you thought initially. You didn’t want to hurt their feelings.
See why it was better to say NO?
The thing is staying in integrity to yourself is a challenge. It is a challenge for most people, but the most genuine people are the ones who say No.
They’re genuine because they have dealt with, practised, and learnt not to care how others perceive them. They just got to be in integrity with their values which are, in a way protecting the persons whom no has been said to.
Have you ever considered that?
Have you ever considered why the person said no?
Have you ever thought, that the answer “no” was not even personal, but you’ve taken it personally?
Always look at the other person’s decisions from the point of compassion. This is a very easy thing to say, believe me, as I am still learning to watch myself and my thoughts when it comes to other people and their decisions.
Their happiness and looking out for other people is the result why someone has said no to you.
They’re not insulting you.
No might be painful to hear but not as painful as how far a yes can take things. It’s not the words though it’s how the yes and the no is delivered – T. Dench Patel, 15:56, 9 October 2019
It’s often the reaction that makes things more tense. Try doing the same thing with empathy, and you’ll find that people are more understanding to you. You can’t control everyone’s reaction but at least you haven’t been careless with your words.
This is valuing people’s time and being responsible for your choices and even your words. Your words can make you feel worse, as well as make another person feel worse.
Using the word, No or Yes is also about self-love first. Saying No and Yes to the things that are good for you makes you stronger at choosing correctly what is aligned to you and when practising using yes and no from truth, values and your alignment you protect others too.
I think that the most damage is done when you are younger. Your natural state is joy, your natural state is following your passion and heart, but when kids become confused and when teenagers don’t know how to control their emotions and protect themselves, they lose this alignment. If they’re coming from broken homes, faced things more than they can emotionally handle they’re not aligned, and for some reason, the school environment creates this idea where kids look for acceptance.
Authenticity isn’t encouraged in kids or even seeing the power of authenticity in friendships, the hockey team etc. and this idea of wanting acceptance in school, around cousins and friends is breaking your own boundaries. This is actually hurting the way you will decide on your happiness in the future.
Be genuine to yourself by being honest to yourself about what you want to say yes and no for and why. If you can do that with yourself first, then only, can you be genuine to others. – T. Dench Patel, 9 October 2019, 20:29
Some pieces of this article have been taken from the video below. Please do watch it. It’s really worth it.
Video by Magna Gopal
Lastly, I want to leave you with this.
Video by Cam Adair
Happiness is inside you; having emotional intelligence and understanding your needs emotionally will bring you happiness. Bullying is the number one reason where kids start to go off alignment. The playground can be ruthless.
By watching this video you will see how the not so strong kids (I mean internally vulnerable or not emotionally prepared or intelligent kids) are affected.
T. Dench Patel