Hello friends,
how are you doing today?
Oof, get ready, this article is going to be super long, but there is a video in here to help you answer the above questions for yourself. I can promise you one thing, it will definitely help you move forward in your life the best way you see fit.
In this article I wrote yesterday, these words really were unique to me for the first time. It’s the first time my soul has felt them and found them.
“In the world, this is the sort of people who exist, like this, like that, like this and that, but if you want to work with ideal people you must go to heaven, and today, but if you think what you are doing is very significant then you must work with all kinds people. You will see horrible people will do wonderful things. Don’t be a yes to this one and a no to that one, just one big yes.” – Sadhguru
Going back to my books The South African: True Colours and The South African: Roamer (both books based on a true story), I write about arguments which by the way, after joining a community of mentors I found out many families had and still have arguments about money. In the past, I had the perception that money solves everything. I mean take a look at this article right here 10 most common reasons for divorce. Number one is infidelity and the second is money.
These are the top ten reasons according to the article in the link above:
- Infidelity
- Money
- Lack of communication
- Constant arguing
- Weight gain
- Unrealistic expectations
- Lack of intimacy
- Lack of equality
- Not being prepared for marriage
- Abuse
This best of both worlds are highlighted right there. See… very much two worlds that people have an illusion of.
This article comes from several people out there who feel a lack thereof and the other is those who don’t feel worthy enough. Look, you cannot keep people like you can keep a beautiful big diamond in your draw, or on your finger, besides the diamond is a dead stone just worth a lot of money. We humans just use it to show how priceless that human being is. Pretty much real relationships out there, the ones that really last, is priceless, so if that woman is wearing that ring and lives up to her every worth… I believe any diamond, any expensive thing that is on here will always be inexpensive. She is the diamond that pretty much can’t be priced, her value keeps growing. I guess men themselves can take this same analogy.
So, once I took a leap of faith and decided to have this one long-distance relationship. He was in Italy and I was in Spain, after conversing with the guy for say roughly around the one-year mark, or even the one and a half year mark where we met again in person for the second time. I was completely shocked as we got into the car on my second last day in Italy, I was returning to Venice and the next day, I was going to catch a flight back to Madrid. He said, “I am going to make you my mistress.” So, you can imagine why I chose to make that the final meeting. I mean, seriously everything else made sense after that sentence, so I chose to end it and not make any contact. What did I expect, yep, I did kind of go with my hand on my head, “Doof, hello!” Actually, now I am pretty thankful for the honesty and that it saved me from something that could have been no good for my life if that relationship escalated. So, I can proudly say, this is out of my conscience, I never had to carry it. The underworld of immigration and being in my mid-twenties makes you second best in a snap, it’s still a very strong stigma that goes with being a foreigner. The challenge is double as hard even if your intentions are honest unless you come from a super-wealthy family (just telling you the truth).
However, with regards to being the other woman, be spared. You will understand completely what I mean when you see this video below.
When I heard those other women, I had confirmation that I was spared from such an experience and I am super thankful for that.
Some time ago I wrote this article Why playing the game is very exhausting and making you settle for less
In the above article, you can see the interview Oprah has with seven husbands who cheated on their wives but let’s get back to the actual topic and the interview on the link titled The other woman and the title of this article Why focus on living like you’re in heaven on earth? Has anyone been to heaven? Is there such a thing as having the best of both worlds?
What’s come up and what the truth is ladies, is that you deserve to be number one in his life, not number two.
When you watch the video is this part an eye-opener for you? The wife is already and is still the winner, she has the, in this case, “the lion cheating grand prize” as her prize. She is and always will be number one, meaning the game has already been played, the heart has already been stolen, the courtship, wedding and honeymoon have already taken place, the massive hurdles already have been crossed, there are years of history between them. There are kids involved and now he’s just looking to replace the part missing in his world.
What about this part? With you being in the relationship with him will more likely have him stay with his wife than leave her because he has the best of both worlds. He can have his cake and eat it too. He has no reason to leave his wife. He doesn’t have to get rid of either one of you, he can keep you both.
What did you think about this part? It was cheaper to keep her, didn’t have to deal with the financial issues, child support and alimony.
Let’s be real, marriage can change from love to a contract, he doesn’t really know when push comes to shove if she will take a large part of his money too, something that comes with divorce depending on the person one could be married to (just my opinion after hearing the part, it’s cheaper to keep her). Divorce and divorce settlements can get really ugly, no one knows how that part will go and how each family member could be affected. It really is better to work it out in therapy before it escalates to levels where one can’t turn things around. However, if you have built something good with a positive woman, there are just as many cases where things get done fairly, amicably, kindly and understandably, where the money is and never was the issue. This is where the truth about one’s morals, convictions and values are really challenged, although I can think of many other ways this can be challenged too.
With regards to Why focus on living like you’re in heaven on earth? Has anyone been to heaven? Is there such a thing as having the best of both worlds?
I have spent a lot of time wondering about the whole thing around money in my past, I have also been the person who once thought that if I give the money that was needed the problem will go away, and the truth is there was always another problem. Today, I have come to the understanding that it’s not money that is the problem, money doesn’t have a colour and every bill and coin doesn’t come with an “I’m good” statement and an “I’m bad” statement on it. It comes down to people’s relationship with themselves, their external and internal world. It gets disruptive when you live life with the belief that money and material objects are going to replace something that is missing internally, including looking to always be with superficial people. This could lead to more money problems.
So, what do you think? Leading a life coming from purpose, value, serving and having heart connections is a more rewarding life? The rest is just something to have fun if it does show up but not something to become attached to and consumed with? Your purpose is the ultimate fulfilment along with how you conduct the rest of your life?
What are your thoughts? Please share what comes up for you whether you just want to answer the questions or whether you want to say something about the whole article.
Yours sincerely,
T. Dench Patel
Thank you for the comments and support. Thank you for offering to donate if there was a donate button on here. I prefer not to take donations. You can support by either purchasing one of my books (Paperback or Kindle), The South African: True Colours, The South African: Roamer or my children’s book Light. These books can be found on Amazon mainly and other sites in your country.
The audiobook for The South African: True Colours is available on iTunes, Apple and Audible. The South African: Roamer and Light will be released soon.
Note: Do keep referring back to this site as much as possible, as I grow, a more profound perspective may form and so I will always come back to each of these articles to re-evaluate them.
