Hope you are well. I am huffing and puffing and making sure I don’t blow my website down… It’s so hot (not complaining) I luv summer, but wow! I have never been in hot temperatures like these in years. Even I’ve forgotten what a real summer is.
Here we are, on this hot summer’s South African day… I bet you thought I was going to get all Shakespearian again and take you into a midsummer’s night dream?
Okay, so what do I mean by this title, Don’t make it about yourself?
It’s human nature to always want to be heard, always want to be treated with respect, to shine, to live your best life, to know that you deserve the best etc. …
But what happens when you are around like-minded people like you? What happens when you go to a wedding and are in a social environment? What happens when you have someone who really needs you and you go and help them out? What happens when you’re in a business meeting? What happens when you have to serve the people who you are being paid to serve?
Are you giving one hundred percent to them?
Having a schedule is good, you might already know that and why, but let me tell you why it’s important for you and others that you stick to your schedule most of the time.
Having a schedule and creating some you time daily is essential so that you can make it all about you in that time as well as take time to prime yourself. Use up your time wisely and if you’re not sure what is the wisest way to use up that time look back on the schedule you had and what your attitude was like. Often, we snap at people not because we want to but because of the energy around us, the kind of people we’ve met that day or simply one event in your day changed your whole mood.
By this I mean the following:
- Ask yourself what your romantic relationship is currently looking like and face some truths there (ensure that you and your partner are both onboard).
- Ask yourself if you have your values, mission and vision clear.
- Ask yourself where in your life you require more balance; spirituality, income, friendships, support in something difficult etc.
- Are you taking time to prime yourself? If you’re not sure what this means check out this video Tony Robbins tips on changing the way you feel
- Some of the answers are already staring at you when you’ve asked yourself these questions.
Once you got this clear begin to create a schedule where you have your needs met in all of the most important areas in your life.
Once you have your schedule in place and begin to follow that make a rule for yourself. “Now that I’ve made it about myself in my time all the time that I dedicate to others through the service I provide to them and the time I’ve allocated for them is all about them; depending on who and what that time is allocated for.”
This, my friend, is going to be challenging especially if you haven’t fully taken care of your own demons; how to manage your emotions when you’re jealous by someone else’s success, by someone else’s idea which you haven’t thought of, maybe you haven’t worked on your temptations, maybe you don’t have your purpose or values clear, or you’re in a situation where an employee could actually end up replacing you because they’re better at doing your job. So, friend, if you haven’t made improvements on yourself, faced or are facing your own demons it’s very very hard to NOT to make it about yourself. – T. Dench Patel, 15 January 2020, 17:42
Please read the above sentence again, because friend, you can’t be a true friend, you can’t help anyone else if you can’t help yourself (one), (two) get out your own way and (three) cleanse yourself from your unhealthy patterns and limiting beliefs. If you can’t do these three things you will be standing in the way of yours and other people’s dreams, hopes, and even live with the conscience that what they’ve paid you for hasn’t been delivered wholeheartedly. If this is the case, and you’ve been living like this for years karma for a proper service not rendered will come knocking at your door one day unless you change.
When you change this and are satisfied with your progress you begin the journey of not making it about yourself.
Not making it about yourself requires a lot of self-control, discipline, silence, listening and dedication. Meditation is not overrated, because meditation brings you awareness on so many levels and even helps you form inner strength.
Let me show you why not making it about yourself is so challenging.
Say, you get paid a lot of money to provide a consultancy service, your client has paid you the consultancy fee. Are you going to give your client their full worth and a proper analysis for the money they have paid you or are you going to string them along holding information back so that you can get further work from them instead of giving the client what they only require for the money they’re paying you for after having paid analysts to analyse the company’s needs? Maybe you can’t provide the client what they need, and they’ve told you something in the initial call that tells you that. Are you still going to proceed knowing fully that the client is still a bit blind, even vulnerable at the moment and hopeful that you are the right company for them because they don’t know any better? Are you going to take the money, give them the consultation knowing fully that after that you can’t provide that service to them?
Romantic Relationship Example
Say you’re meeting your partner for coffee and by the way, this is so challenging. When you love someone you’re literally and figuratively in their business. The relationship may have become one where one partner has more power and control over the other, perhaps scores keep being added into arguments and so really facing your demons as a couple can help you listen to each other, change yourselves for the better, and for the future of your relationship by not making it about yourselves in arguments or with more basic activities; going out as a couple on a date or having a casual coffee on the dining table together. Now, can you see why this is so challenging?
Managing your demons individually enhances your relationship; imagine when your partner, husband, or date isn’t making it all about himself/herself in an environment where he/she meets your friends and family in a social gathering? Being insecure isn’t going to help you let alone your relationship.
Social situations Example
Social situations can be challenging because you don’t get to choose the people you’re going to meet at a social gathering; weddings, parties, birthdays, celebrations, funerals etc. You have to rely on intuition and social skills to be able to find your clan. It could be hard to determine the difference between an individual who is looking for intellectual company rather than being in the company of people competing for power and status. Sometimes you’re stuck in a dead conversation pretending to be alive. T. Dench Patel, 15 January 2020, 23:30
In these types of events, people who want to feel important will talk a lot and you’d find that everyone wants to be listened to. Who doesn’t want to be listened to? Imagine if you’re stuck next to someone who has drunk so much that you have to take in their verbal vomit. The thing is, before going to these events are you clear about yourself? Who is it going to be about? Yes, your lady or your man looks incredible (that’s just part of the fun) but who is it really going to be about and when do you make it about yourself?
Talking to a good friend Example
Right, now this is something, having a good friend around when you really can call on one and vice versa. Calling someone a friend and someone a good friend should be used carefully. A friend in need is a friend indeed, now this is really where you should not make anything about you, and it should be about the person you are there for.
Everyone wants to feel important; no one wants to feel invisible. There is a time and place for everything. – T. Dench Patel, 15 January 2020, 23:42
So, to conclude whether you’re a Director of a company, the Queen of England or a waitress prime yourself, fill your life up with so much that you look forward to doing and have time to do what you love to do or are experimenting on that when it’s time to give yourself to a moment or moments where you have to put aside your title and yourself to simply be there from one human to another human or any living being on our planet you are okay with not making it about you.
So many people want to make it about them because they want to feel important, but it’s not someone else who makes you feel important, it’s you who make yourself important when you put yourself first by working and priming yourself and then the rest follows without forcing anything.
T. Dench Patel