How are you today?
Yesterday I could not post, as usual, a lot on the plate, but here I am making up for yesterday. For some reason, the brain is stuck on the above topic in the storm…
It is a bit of a weird I mean wicked day, a lot of things out of the agenda on this weird sorry I mean wicked Thursday. Everything happened today, from the dog speeding out of the house on bin days to doing something which he’ll only end up doing on weird I mean wicked days… Basically, he enjoyed rolling himself into some (for him awesome) fresh (must be female) dog faeces. As I sat down to meditate, my nine-month-old jeans decided to rip at the thighs, and then my dog made himself comfortable on my yoga mat while I was meditating. My meditation was cut off by someone stinking next to me while I heard him snap his teeth, almost decapitating a fly… urgently, I needed to organise him a bath… like straight away. With the intention of getting the dog clean, and the workmen hearing me, I was then informed the water is switched off for a bit. I put the now stinking yoga mat for a wash. To save time and be on time, I decided to set the table for lunch. While setting the table for lunch, a glass slipped out of my hand and before the instinct kicked in to catch the falling glass, I was relieved to see that it didn’t break but shocked that:
- it bounced
- it survived the first bounce; it didn’t break
… I should have run to save it from the second bounce (What was I waiting on? A miracle). It wasn’t going to be alive after that… then smash. At least the pieces were big to pick up.
My dad brings me a scoop which kind of looked weak. I sweep the tiny pieces into the scoop and put the big pieces of glass onto the scoop and make my way to the bin for the glass. One step, two-step and three-step, then guess what? The handle of the scoop breaks and smashhhhhhhh. Now there are tiny pieces of glass across a wider surface including the surface which I’ve just swept the first time … this is when I laugh hilariously saying to my mum and dad, “Who breaks the same glass twice? … ha!ha!aaaaaahahaha!” We all burst out laughing. The workmen ask, “Did you break another glass again?” I answered, “Actually the same one broke for the second time.” God knows what they thought while I said, “It was the stupidest thing ever.”
So, in all attempt to save time and be on time, I’ve made myself a job that lasted 15 more minutes. Then guess what?
My dad says, “Maybe your ex is thinking of you?”
Trying not to show that he hit a nerve, we ate lunch, I washed up, loosened the dog, and a heavy storm hits us… one I’ve never seen since I’ve arrived in South Africa, and then we got lights tripping and leaks which the workmen were going to work on before the storm arrived. The Wifi is down, and that’s when I contemplate the title of this article and begin to rely on my brain during the storm.
So here I am writing this article while the workmen get the lights up and the Wifi going. Thank god! They got it going, which means we can stick to the title of this topic Early signs of abusive behaviours and tendencies in romantic relationships because the nerve has already been hit.
Okay, now that it’s still stormy, and I feel like I am currently in the eye of a hurricane I can write this article in peace. Did you get yourself a drink? Cool!
Okay, you know what you never really know a person until you try leaving them and boy and girl I am here to ensure that you don’t pick wrong. I am here to safe I mean to save you from something before you need safing I mean saving.
I am going to draw from my own experience the warning signs and alarm bells that I ignored.
- Showered with presents.
- I thought I met an angel that spoke 100% truth when he pulled out all my flaws (I was ripped off my real character by the time I’ve decided to end it; the humorous, feisty, girl who loves life, quirky, sociable and all the other parts that I’ve earned at being me and unique all died at that point).
- Can he/she demonstrate his words through his/her actions, or is he/she demonstrating experience only through words but has no idea of what it’s like doing it in the real world?
- Small lies and the more months you go into the relationship, the lies become bigger and bigger.
- Blaming; it’s always your fault or someone else’s fault. You find that he/she takes no responsibility for their words and actions. I remember once I had to spend the whole day and some more days after hearing how the “slippery British pavement” from the rain was responsible for his smashed screen on his almost brand-new phone and not him for not looking where and how he was walking.
- An instant marriage proposal before even hooking up. If you read my backstory from the other blog posts, you will see where this comes from. If you’re an Indian woman, please don’t take the marriage proposal as yet and make the relationship slow and steady. If you have really bad circumstances, you are better off being in those circumstances from your own doing. The damage done in a relationship with domestic violence takes the spirit years of healing until you make your comeback. Please watch this video to understand fully what this point means.
- Be knowledgeable fully about the definition you’ve given to the word “domestic violence,” and in my case, my ex-partner knew that the minute he slaps me, I would walk out. For me, a definite sign was the physical part, hence why I ignored so many emotional slaps in the face until one day a woman handed me a pamphlet in the street in the UK towards the end of my fourth year in that relationship. That is when I thought that this relationship is in trouble and as I dug up more information, I found that me, yes I, I was the person in trouble.
- When he sensed that this time it was it, I was really leaving him, he stacked all the things he’s planned in the four years making it so hard to leave him and then years after I still had to deal with it.
I’ve taken verbal and emotional abuse and anything I loved from my pure heart; guitar, singing, writing, going to see art, growing plants, having fun with my friends I’ve made before meeting him, my family …. The list is never-ending … all this was sabotaged physically by him and emotionally within me by him.
The thing is once you find out that you’re in quite deep, how do you get out and where do you start already feels like you’re right at the lowest point of a mountain that when you look at where you need to get to it’s so demotivating.
DO NOT QUIT. THERE ARE SO MANY SUCCESS STORIES OUT THERE AND YOU ARE GOING TO BE ONE OF THEM.
Please read the below posts, especially the first article.
If I found this list halfway through my last relationship, I would have saved myself from a lot of damage and time in the recovery process.
T. Dench Patel