Hello lovely people, hope you are doing well on this beautiful weekend while for some of you it’s already a Monday on this planet. Oh yes, this topic is not so simple and did you know that it really does take courage and bravery to be happy, I will say this once again, it really does take courage and bravery to be happy.
You know your partner or husband is not going to agree with all the things that make you happy. Take a look at this video.
You know, I’m not sure if you’ve been seeing my YouTube videos? https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChBurCkAvqK3gUfED1qDwkA?view_as=subscriber
Did you see what I write in the description of most videos? Go ahead, take a look. I’ll wait for you.
Have you read it? Read why I’m making those videos? So, one woman said to me why didn’t I just marry the last guy for his papers? Yes, I was shocked. I’m sure there are so many people who now know the story are saying why didn’t she just marry for papers? I haven’t found many people who said any positive things about a marriage they’re in for twenty years or even the eighteen years I’ve been away since I’ve been back. I also have new findings of the patriarchal society now after 18 years, but I can compare so much to the relationships I had, and other women had whether it’s a patriarchal society or not. I am sure there are also several men in this boat too.
Look, the video above in the Red table talk makes it clear but just in case you need a clear reminder because it’s so easy to get buried in other things relating to your marriage or partnership then this is it. No man or woman is going to make you happy in your entire life. It’s up to you to make yourself happy. It’s already a tough job for your partner, husband/wife to make themselves happy. T. Dench Patel 16:22 11 August 2019
I’ve you’ve been following the articles on this blog and the quote on the news page, a lot of time I mention authenticity. Now imagine if you’re in a twenty-year marriage and you’re now learning to be authentic. Can you imagine how authenticity can tear your marriage or a partnership up apart from your own old beliefs and patterns (which you’re now working on) but your partner or husband is not working on yet. Are you the product of what your partner wanted of his/her woman/man or are you a product of your own self, yes, the whole lot, courage, truth, freedom, fearless to tell your partner the raw truth, facing the patterns his working from and coming from fear of losing him, or what the next argument is going to look like, thoughts, actions i.e. what you do with your free time and when you do things with him/her. Do you agree and do you agree to disagree? There was another quote I wrote sometime back here’s it.
You can’t own a person ever…
Marriage might be the closest thing to it on this planet.
That person is an amazing light force
and you have to accept that you too are amazing,
You’re in love with a light force that can never be owned.
It will always need what it needs to shine its brightest.
You both return to where you come from in the end…
T. Dench Patel
1 March 2019
After watching, observing and reading books on relationships, I have to say that I have to read more and learn more. I will never know enough about this. I think that couples and individuals look outside at other people’s relationships and idolise them growing up and sometimes their parents are the idols. The truth is you will never know what is happening in a couple’s life behind closed doors; how a couple is protecting their kids from their own issues. I mean, there was a time I had so many people in my life while I was in a relationship with a narcissists and no one knew me enough to believe my side of the story when the whole thing fell apart and to feel utterly alone in the relationship with no one to talk to because I felt like no one really knew who I truly was. Watching him win over my nearest and dearest one after the other, then to be blackmailed made me feel like a prisoner.
There are so many women complaining about their husbands/partners, and their husbands/partners are complaining about them. I think the main part of the problem is expectations and when your expectations aren’t met, you’re unhappy. Have fewer expectations, and you will see how your partner/husband surprises you. Don’t expect them to make you happy, make yourself happy, and the rest is just a bonus on the journey you’re both on.
From the lessons I’ve learnt from the relationship with domestic violence was that you must listen to your intuition and not become an extension of the person you’re with. It’s essential to have your own thoughts, voice, feelings, emotions, perspective, personality, choice, decisions, freedom, money, self-love, self-awareness, beliefs and I’m sure you’ll see the list of topics I talk about. Work on them slowly. Most of the women and men complaining about their partnerships or marriage has a lot of work to do with themselves. Your happiness is all around your thoughts and shifting your thoughts and taking action on them is the part that is the hardest to do.
There is no one size fits all in relationships, you have to meet each other on the level that you’re both at, and if that means you’re both conventional people, then you both have to choose a very conventional way (your way) to come out on the other side fully invested in each other. Have your values drawn out from the beginning and work around that. That is if you both want to keep each other.
Like anything, a child doesn’t come with a manual, and neither does relationships, a marriage, your own life plans and goals… you have to make it up along the way but make it up real good; healthy and strong at the roots. When the foundation is strong, then it should hold through adversities, but it’s entirely up to your thoughts, self-improvement and attitude.
Look, I wouldn’t know if marriage or living in a partnership is the way to go. Just find what works best for you both…and please don’t divorce after this article, I’m sure you can still work it out divorcing the perfect idea of a relationship that you believed, made up in your head, seen or subconsciously taken in which might not be working for you right now. Divorce those thoughts and rebuild from the bottom up again. I’m sure this will have a good outcome.
Hope these articles will help you to begin empowering yourself.
T. Dench Patel