Hope you are well. We are not far from New Year’s 2020, sounds familiar.
How many times have you made New Year’s resolutions? How long till you stop doing the resolutions? Have you ever followed through; the whole year?
Maybe you’re saying it’s just another year, well, it will be just another year if that’s what you choose. Change it, you might not get instant results but at least you are or will be somewhere in between from now and never.
Whatever you are taking on, whatever your end goal is, it all begins with the marriage you have with yourself. Why do I use marriage and not relationship or partnership? Keep on reading to find out.
I’ve written this quote not so long ago, “Without the relationship with self, there can be no other relationships.” – T. Dench Patel, 23 December 2019, 18:51
Okay, get yourself an ice-cream while I wait for you… (I’m laughing) if you’ve been reading my blog posts often you will notice I always say, “Get yourself a drink”. Some visitors came home and when I asked, “Would you like a drink?” I believe they thought “something strong,” it’s not the language Indians in South Africa use like the way it’s used overseas. Drink refers to so many different things as you know; soft drink, hot drink, water… the whole drink category, and of course that could mean a beer too, or any other alcoholic beverage.
So, we offered our guests ice-cream, really nice ice-cream. You won’t go wrong with offering ice-cream during summer and spring in South Africa. We have some of the best ice-creams in the world. This is new standards for me which I am returning to and one day I will write an article for you on increasing standards. See when I became a foreigner, I lost some really high standards in the survival game. It’s great to come back and review this.
Okay, sorry for the bla bla bla… (get yourself something) while I’m going bla bla bla…
Ready, let’s begin.
Marriage to the self, did you know you are actually married to yourself even before you’ve entered this world? Think about it; being your own hero, you owe it to yourself, it’s up to you, it’s your responsibility, never give up, self-belief, self-esteem, confidence, making yourself happy and I will let you finish the list of things you are really trying to do for yourself and removing obstacles that you have put in front of yourself.
There are three important things that I wanted to tell you today and I believe you’ve already got some aha moments from the beginning of this article right up to this point.
You have been blinded all this time until I reveal what’s coming out of this wrapper. It’s up to you to open yourself up to it.
- Before you can reach a healthy successful marriage, relationship or partnership with anyone, before you can reach the most ambitious goals, before you begin to take on any goal for whatever reason, including exercise be it to lose weight, build muscle… my friends whatever that looks like for you, you should have a healthy relationship or at least begin to build a healthy relationship with yourself. Sure, you might accomplish something, but you will find you have not gone all the way with it because you have a part relationship with yourself. The more you build your relationship with yourself the more you live up to the commitment (yes marriage) with yourself.
There is something I was looking at in South Africa, why people can’t get to where they want to get to, the corruption, the violence, the statistics around domestic violence, the suicide rates, the true unemployment rate than the figure we’re seeing etc. You will find most of these topics I’ve already taken a look at when you read or already read my articles. I conclude this, there is no relationship with the self before most citizens of this country can begin to heal the massive corruption in self in itself. – T. Dench Patel, 29 December 2019, 15:24
It’s a collective process, why? Many poor countries’ citizens have not healed thyself; wounds are treated physically, just enough to stop something but not enough to heal completely or stop the escalation. I am referring to the full healing process, for example, the difference from citizens of poor countries and citizens of wealthy countries is that there are a lot of things that citizens of poor countries are dealing with which should not be theirs to own. Yes, life happens for you not to you but it’s investing time and money to healing that process for a human being to see things not through bitter eyes but through compassion, that is the beginning to all relationships but first it begins with you. The more compassionate you can be with yourself the more compassion there is for everyone. Not sure if you get me? So, the more compassion for yourself, the more you have to give to others, the more you have to give to others the more your compassion will make you take action to move more people’s lives. You might argue with me and say, “Where is the love then?”
When you invest time and money in healing the process within, that is self-love and the more you nurture the marriage with self through self-love more and more love is born from there which intern fuels your compassion for others, which will then make you act, the very act that comes from LOVE. This is just one example which I used to make you understand, so look inwards, and through the most challenging experiences you have in life or had in life I ask you this. Have you healed yourself? How much have you invested in yourself? Is this resurfacing? Are you still bitter from it or did you finally accept this, find closure and feel empathy for another going through similar things? If we all do this collectively for ourselves there will be enough love in your country/world against what is morally wrong. There will be massive changes in your life for the better, and in the lives of others when more people stand up through truth and convictions.
In other words if the role models in your life are corrupt, won’t come clean and cant’ come clean then little belief in the justice system itself causes a downfall in the belief in self and others around you (you might not get me entirely, this is a very deep subject). If one person has a truly magnificent marriage with themselves but is surrounded by a hundred who don’t have a healthy marriage with themselves, this is very very challenging.
- This is true marriage to the self, and this is where the greatest leaders come from.
I often say I agree with Oprah Winfrey when she says, “We’re not here to roam around,” something like this she said, I believe there are many of us living like zombies, we haven’t discovered our true purpose and the more choice you have if you have no marriage with the self and have many choices, your temptations will lead you to always live a tempted life reaching from one temptation to the next.
Marriage with the self, the best way I can explain you this is when I was rejecting my purpose as a writer, rejecting that many aspects of the world and what was going on in it was really affecting me (it felt like superman, I heard the problems of the world, I tried to ignore it, I wondered how can I do something about this, if I was to, then I would not know where to begin and possibly lose everything – limiting beliefs) and finally the universe did make me lose everything only to have me meet face to face with what and who I was rejecting and that was to be a writer.
Once I’ve accepted this, then only did the marriage to self commence. Now stay focused on this, keep your antennas up and eyes peeled as you can’t miss this. Once you have found out that you are no longer a zombie, once you have found out what your purpose is, what will it take, how far will you go? Marriage to the self hit me hard when I had to stay true to my truth, convictions and myself, without denying that which I’ve come on earth to do. I said this to myself, “You don’t know Patel, you don’t know where you are going to end up with your books and you being a writer just as you don’t know where will end up chasing the temptations of life, living that role which is not of your purpose. Your choice Patel, till death do you, self and your purpose part, in sickness and in health do your relationship with yourself and your purpose part…
You don’t believe me 😊… Look at one of these Christian wedding vows. Think about it for a second, shouldn’t there be a marriage with self, one hundred percent and then if you wish there can be a union where two people each in their nuclear selves become two very powerful people united to bring an amazing union not only of themselves together, with each other but empower everyone else? … ooof this can be massively good…
Christian wedding vows
“I, ___, take thee, ___, to be my wedded husband/wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge thee my faith [or] pledge myself to you.”
How different is this from the marriage of self; yourself and your purpose on earth and then to form a union with someone who is just as incredible as you are? Huh?… Think about it. 😊
- Similarly, if there is no relationship with self in a healthy way, where you don’t have any understanding with your mind, body, soul calling and spirit, no relationship with your feelings and what they’re telling you, or your intuition, emotions then how can you have healthy business partnerships, work on the right projects, create genuine solutions for a good course, know clearly your values, truth, or even build the willpower to stay true to all of it; how can you have good relationships in the external world when your internal world is a mess?
I hope in two thousand and twenty you form an amazing relationship with yourself which will then help your relationships in all aspects and areas of your life so that you can be even happier and content.
Remember, even before entering the human body, there has been a marriage with yourself. You have been and are in the company of yourself all this time; that is, you are in your own home until you go. It’s up to you how to maintain and keep the relationship with your home and your spirit – T. Dench Patel, 29 December 2019, 16:43
T. Dench Patel