There are so many people living in victim mode that they have no idea how much they are cheating themselves of for the small benefits they get from choosing to live as a victim.
Playing the victim allows you to get away with bigger responsibilities, makes you feel that you know better and that you’re right. The pleasurable feeling of believing you are right validates your victim status so that you continue playing the game. You don’t like rejection, so you don’t take risks. People get tired of giving you the attention and validation because you feel good about that instead of making an effort to save yourself with the help, they are giving you.
Some people go on all their lives like this without changing anything and eventually no one can help them because they’ve chosen to live in victim mode.
Stop yourself from using the short-term pleasurable escape routes mentioned in bold above like an ecstasy drug for a long term unfulfilled, regretful life.
Recipe to leave victim mode
- Be grateful
Think about how many people in this world have it worse than you and have chosen to accept that unfair things happen in this world to everyone yet they still continue to focus on positive things. They might not have everything they want but at least they are grateful for what they got and the good that comes their way through the work they put into things.
- Take responsibility
If you’ve contributed to a problem in some way be mature enough to accept it. Accept the fact that you are a big contributor to the role that you’re playing and the circumstances you are in. Stop blaming and ignoring the problems you are causing. You can only change things if you start to take responsibility for your words, actions and thoughts.
- Start progressing
You have stayed stagnant for years and have a list of reasons why. We all had a list of reasons why and we all moved forward. You are no different from anyone else. You have the power to change the behaviours in your life. Make small goals for yourself, to begin with, and as you achieve small goals you work towards bigger goals. Change the mindset that everyone else around you have the power or that you’re at their mercy. How do you think everyone else has moved forward in life? Feeding on gossip to make yourself feel better
Forgive those who have hurt you and if they’re still in that pattern you have to have the courage to tell them something so that they stop or if you can distance yourself from them then great. Free yourself of the grudges you’re holding and let it go so that you can take off that weight holding you down from moving forward.
- Get used to NOT being the victim
Living in victim mode has become second nature to you and you must have the willpower to keep watching and changing your behaviour when it wants to fall back into that old you. You will have certain feelings inside you that you might not feel comfortable with, but you are coming out of an old pattern. Don’t fall back in, instead occupy yourself with working on you.
- Don’t be too hard on yourself
To break this pattern, it’s not going to happen overnight. Have patience with yourself but keep being aware and snap out of the old mentality. Take it easy on yourself. Being aware of the old pattern instead of beating yourself up is still good but remember to keep breaking that pattern on other days.
- Be assertive and create healthy boundaries
People have gotten used to your behaviour and it’s time to set them and yourself straight. How can you be happy if you don’t think you deserve better in life? How would you get to what you think you deserve if you don’t fight for your rights? Your needs are just as important, and you come first.
In patriarchal societies this a common problem. Passive behaviour and being submissive leads to being taken advantage of. This pattern is one that is the most important to break because anxiety and depression stem from here.
Be assertive with yourself and others – if it means you need to read books or go to a psychologist for help then do it.
Create a schedule for yourself with a few reachable goals that you want to achieve and ensure that you will abide by your schedule by setting boundaries which others should respect. Respect yourself enough to abide by the boundaries whether it is to achieve your goals or to work on yourself.
Below is a link to a detailed article. It contains the following points and more:
9 benefits of being a victim
- Not having to take responsibility for anything
- Other people lavishing you with attention
- Other people feeling sorry for you
- Other people are less likely to criticize or upset you
- You have the “right” to complain
- You’re more likely to get what you want
- You feel interesting because you get to tell people all of your stories
- You don’t have to feel bored because there’s too much drama going on
- You get to avoid and bypass anger because you’re too busy feeling sad
23 signs of the victim mentality
- You’re constantly blaming other people or situations for feeling miserable
- You possess a “life is against me” philosophy
- You’re cynical or pessimistic
- You see your problems as catastrophes and blow them out of proportion
- You think others are purposely trying to hurt you
- You believe you’re the only one being targeted for mistreatment
- You keep reliving past painful memories that made you feel like a victim
- Even when things go right, you find something to complain about
- You refuse to consider other perspectives when talking about your problems
- You feel powerless and unable to cope effectively with a problem or life in general
- You feel attacked when you’re given constructive criticism
- You believe you’re not responsible for what happens in your life (others are)
- You believe that everyone is “better off” than you
- You seem to enjoy feeling sorry for yourself
- You attract people like you (who complain, blame, and feel victimized by life)
- You believe that the world is a scary, mostly bad, place
- You enjoy sharing your tragic stories with other people
- You have a habit of blaming, attacking, and accusing those you love for how you feel
- You feel powerless to change your circumstances
- You expect to gain sympathy from others, and when you don’t get it, you feel upset
- You refuse to analyze yourself or improve your life
- You tend to “one-up” people when it comes to sharing traumatic experiences
- You’re constantly putting yourself down
To read more here is the link https://lonerwolf.com/victim-mentality/
T. Dench Patel