How are you this Wednesday evening?
Any plans for this weekend?
You know this topic just hit me the moment I’ve opened my document to begin writing. It wasn’t even a topic on my list. As an artist, you’d know what this is, the spontaneous things that come to mind the minute you look at your blank canvas, paper or wood.
When this happens just roll with it…
Friends, you really have to be one hundred percent honest with yourself. For example, if you’re beginning to pursue all of your dreams you must look at the roadblocks stopping you to your dreams and they can be as little as a limiting belief or a small little habit that is not serving you. It’s no point coming clean with yourself in one area of your life when you are not cleaning out all the other areas of your life.
Let me put this in context for you.
You’ve finally got into a new job, the job closest to financial freedom and travel. You’re now developing as a leader. You’re in a good place, and now you have had to step up as a leader and serve. With this role there comes a lot of temptation; girls and women who idolise you, five-star locations, places you’ve never seen before, money you’ve never earned before and there are compartments in the self that have never come under review until now but you still can’t see it.
This could be you
“Okay, so I am a leader, this is a powerful place to be in. I can still have fun, right? I mean I can get the work done and still have fun. I mean when it’s time to serve I will show up as the leader I am stepping into or have stepped into. No one needs to know the “small” details.”
There you are dedicated to your job and leading, people are seeing the leader that they respect who shows up clean, they haven’t met the leader who told his girlfriend that he has nipped out for an hour to watch a football match, have a couple of drinks and got her believing that he went to run an errand. She innocently thinks he got caught up. This becomes a habit in your romantic relationship and then this becomes a major issue as well.
You give so much of yourself as a leader, spend so much time in your job that when it comes to your personal life, you’re less committed to people who are close to you than those who you serve as a “leader”. You’re less committed to the people close to you who bailed you out on so many occasions, have done so much for you than the people you are leading, yes your job; to lead people to a clean and successful life.
This could be you
“Okay, so I am a leader. This is a huge responsibility. I have to step up for myself, those close to me and those that I am serving in my job. I might not get it right straight away, it’s going to take some time, but I will aim to be that leader in all that I do, in every compartment of my life and I can still balance the fun (good, clean fun). I must first clear out all that does not conform with being a leader. I have to choose what matters the most at that very moment. I will try to choose what a true leader would choose.”
Look you might not think you’re a leader, but you are. You are leading someone in some way. You could be a husband to your beautiful wife and have very young kids, a wife to a handsome husband and the mother of your kids. This makes you and your wife a leader. You can be the youngest sibling in your family, but you still need respect and equality to be able to carry out your role as a leader. You are seen as the authority figure out there in the world and try not to let yourself down, try not to let others down.
So, in real essence, you are leading somewhere and in some part of your life, the parts where you’re not leading could merely be the parts where you’re not feeling powerful in, lacking something or something in that compartment isn’t packed properly. Feeling powerful in every area of your life without necessarily playing the lead role when it’s not called for feels good, feels like success, like you’ve got healthy control and balance of and in your life.
Here are the common things I’ve seen time and time again over the years.
- Spending more time with your friends and colleagues than your family, wife or partner.
- Respecting people and friends more, and who have been less in your life than your family, wife or partner.
- You don’t rob friends and colleagues, but you rob your family members, wife or partner day in and day out through small disrespectful habits.
- You value the opinion of your friends and colleagues more even though they have no insight of the compartments in your life where you haven’t even come clean on rather than facing the truth from your family, wife, or partner who knows better and come clean with your real friends.
- You apply your learnings to your friends and colleagues, you trust your friends and colleagues more, you communicate with your friends and colleagues better but you haven’t invested the learnings, trust, and communication into your own family, wife or partner.
- You easily hand out compliments, respect, the best side of you to your friends and colleagues and bring the leftovers to your family, wife or partner. They, in fact, see the worst side of you even when they didn’t deserve to.
- You respect the belongings of your friend and colleagues more than that of your own family, wife or partner.
This subject is very current right now in India. It is a fact that communication is an issue in Indian homes. Ninety-nine percent of Indian homes are such where there is no father and son bonding from the time young adults reach their teens. There is no communication or activities in homes to build brother and sister relationships on an equal footing or activities put in place to strengthen family ties. It often becomes the case where the children end up seeking a father-like figure out of their home to get advice later on in life and not many are successful. The younger generations should implement this in their family. Taking time out for the family or doing father-son activities, mother-daughter activities, brother sister activities now and again helps to keep the family on the same page. Because of this, there is no healthy growth and families often become co-dependent which goes on to affect each family member in all their relationships thereafter.
These are signs that a cleanout is required in all compartments of your life so that you can be one person in all compartments and not a different person in each compartment. – T. Dench Patel, 22 January 2020, 17:49
T. Dench Patel