How are you today?
A bit late at posting, the electricity went down, hence creating all sorts of delays in everything. It’s incredible how much we depend on electricity and electronics to have the basics.
If you’re following me on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook and YouTube you’ll be able to see more about what the journey for me entails at present. I mean most of the time it’s a cool adventure.
Alright, if you’ve been reading my blog posts you would know what it means to me and for me to finally get to this topic. I wanted to write about this subject for a long long time. Did you know what delayed me? It was the image. Seriously, I was waiting to get the right image (Image by Frits Ahlefeldt) for this topic until I stumbled across it when I wasn’t looking. This was a sign that now I can finally write about this topic. This topic is very important for you and it’s important that I must come across clearly. Maybe, it was a good thing that the electricity was down, I feel like I can concentrate a bit more now.
My friends, this topic is the biggest reason why you have been making a lot of mistakes, forget the mistakes though did you know that self-sabotage is the thief of dreams and the reason for lifetime long regrets? I literally know people who are in their forties that allowed self-sabotage to dominate half of their life. I’ve been there to see how regret is/was so heavy on people that when unprocessed correctly you can end up creating further patterns of self-sabotage.
I am here to stop you. Stop the pattern right here for once and for all so that you can begin to be aware of what your mind is doing and move forward by making better choices for yourself.
What is self-sabotage?
Definition 1 – Being your own worst enemy
Definition 2 – According to https://www.psychologytoday.com “Behavior is said to be self-sabotaging when it creates problems in daily life and interferes with long-standing goals. Among the most common self-sabotaging behaviors are procrastination, self-medication with drugs or alcohol, comfort eating, and forms of self-injury such as cutting.”
https://www.psychologytoday.com also states the following “But the forces that lead to self-sabotage can also be more subtle, such as an accumulation of dysfunctional and distorted beliefs that lead people to underestimate their capabilities, suppress their feelings, or lash out at those close to them.”
Definition 2 – Getting in your own way
Definition 4 – Another article states this as a definition for self-sabotage, “Self-sabotage is any behavior that holds you back from getting what you consciously want.”
Take a look at all the various definitions given to self-sabotage on this article https://www.habitsforwellbeing.com/what-is-self-sabotage/
Forms of self-sabotage
Go and make yourself a drink and sit down, sorry that sounded like an order :). You won’t see some of these coming right at you and you might have a big self-realisation moment.
Wait… Get a pen and paper and start scoring how many you have out of this list.
- Ignoring problems
- Lack of self-control
- Emotional Repression
- Comparing yourself to others
- Giving into anxiety and depression
- Denying help
- Lying to yourself
- Denial of your potential
- Taking on too many tasks
- Too much self-deprecating humour
- Avoiding enjoyable experiences
- Failure to access personal needs and desires
- Willful ignorance
- Maintaining toxic relationships
No, I didn’t come up with all of the list myself. Sure, I knew of a few, this is why you need to know what each one is and how it is affecting you. This article goes through how each one could be affecting your life 21 forms self-sabotage that keeps you from living your best life
Oh no! It’s not over yet, you’re not off the hook, check these out. This article is very good, it takes you into detail by use of examples to make you see where you’re self-sabotaging.
Aha, now finding a solution to this.
Solutions for self-sabotaging behaviours
I am going to go through the ones that helped me. Once upon a time I had a long list and now I have successfully cut them down, I still have a few small ones like getting down to putting names on the phone numbers I have on my phone. Yep, silly right? Long story.
Meditation worked for me; I had such a huge list that I had no idea where to start. Not only was I self-sabotaging myself years ago, but I was also dealing with anxiety, panic attacks, and fighting off a stalker amongst other physical challenges too.
Basically, meditation brought me awareness from one matter to the next and I dealt with it one by one. First, you need awareness around it, then you need to see that if you waste more time the longer it will take to get to the things that really matter, and as you and I know some regrets hit harder and the people involved in your dreams and desires one day will never be there, yes, we all have to go someday. I particularly want to be happy about how I manage the relationships that really impact my soul well before these souls leave. This is really one regret I don’t want to live with.
I took on what I could manage a little at a time and got better at it, the key is to be aware all the time of not being your own worst enemy. What I disliked about me and my life I turned around; it was no overnight process.
In this process, you will have regrets but not major ones, because you’re on the learning curb.
If you think about it, I believe that you can get to a sweet spot in life if you work hard and consistently for a good three years. You might not be where you want to be, but you are at least half-way there if you do the work. I believe this is true for anyone; people with addictions, self-critique or bad habits and behaviours. Also, I put three years on it, because what you really think it will take and when you do the work, you’ll find that you got further than what you expected for yourself. That’s my little secret 😊. Three years is a short-term achievable goal and once the work is done properly there the best is yet to come. This is just my belief though because I’ve tried and tested it so much over time. Trust me, three years, they go flying.
Now one tip, don’t go downhill when you hit the three-year mark. Plan before than how you will change gears and level up from thereon.
Here is an article that will take you through a list of ways to help you with resolving self-sabotaging behaviours
Soooo, I finally wrote this article.
You can’t believe for how many months I’ve been thinking about it.
I believe everyone should take a look at their patterns every six months just to ensure that they don’t fall back into major self-sabotaging patterns.
Okay, friends, that’s all for now…
Over and out,
Speak to you soon,
T. Dench Patel