Hey friends,
How are you this weekend?
I hope your shopping has been done and you’re chilling at home drinking a drink of relief, or maybe you’re still not relieved because of having a huge family over where there are a few Grinches but for the sake of Christmas, there’s a Christmas truce. I am certainly sitting here having a drink of relief. A cup of Coco.
I am not celebrating Christmas this year, but I definitely drove to a new place to shop so that we’re stocked up by New Years. Oh! Boy, what a commotion or shall I say adventure. I’ve been single for a long time, that even I forgot that I was single… Hey, I love my own company… where was I, oh, yes, I forgot I was single, until today… I decided to challenge myself and took on my dad’s request to drive to this other place to go and do the shopping. Of course, when someone else heard that I was going to take on the challenge… ooo she was like, no, no, no let’s go to what we know best, and of course, now that fear presented itself, I said, “No way, we’re going to go there, that place that dad says we’re going to do the shopping today.”
So, I drove into this supposed easy parking space, what a joke. I took three tries at parking on a curb that on the fourth one my sister and dad decided to direct me from outside, with little did I know there was a man on the west and another man somewhere south-west. It’s only when I got out of the car, did I realise that I was such a bad “parker”. I gave a big smile and laughed out loud at what a bad “parker” I was and gave a nod of thanks to the one gentleman who my sister said wanted to help on the west and I was unaware of the other gentleman at south-west.
I hoped that was the end, as we shopped I saw the guy on the west with his wife and kids and because of experience I just decided to ignore and shop, I didn’t want to say, “Hey thanks, thanks for wanting to help out,” I mean that’s small chat, surely he knows I am appreciative, right? My sister screams, “Hey, there’s the guy who wanted to help out with the parking,” while he was behind me with his wife and kids. Geez, how bad is that? I just ignored, being single I am used to NOT creating awkward moments with someone’s wife even if there’s someone who has the hots or even a slight interest my way; I’d pour water and throw sand over it nicely, politely, straight away and carry on with life. The term homewrecker is usually shoved onto women (mainly single women) more than single men, hence why I ensure I am very very far from those situations. If I sense a tea brewing, I’m out of the tea bar in half a second. Man, if this is how the shopping experience started you must imagine what the whole shopping experience was like, I’ve never ignored someone this much through every aisle and then to end I had to look for my sister whom I lost while returning with the shopping trolley to the parking area only to bump into this guy, his wife and kids again. Seriously, if I was her, I would have found the whole thing suspicious. The whole thing was innocent, but as a single woman, I am very aware of how judgement can make an innocent person into fried fish.
So, lady, if you do recognise me one day and end up reading this, trust me it was nothing just a very uncomfortable way to do one’s shopping (I get human nature) for both parties. By the way, he’s got good taste, because you seem like an awesome woman and he quickly got his eyes straight on you when he saw me and I quickly got my eyes on the amazing Coco jar I was after. My father and sister thought the whole thing was hilarious and were laughing at T. Dench Patel – the awful “Parker,” comedy show – Chapter one – Let’s go food shopping…
Getting down to more serious things there’s not much empathy out there for single people in the workplace and in social events especially when you’re single at what society would call past the marriage and having kids age gap. Not all people choose to be single and not all single people who haven’t settled early in life are faulty or selfish. I’ve certainly felt this come through in some jobs and being single has affected my career negatively after the thirties. I really felt like sitting people down and telling them that we have our own set of problems even being single in fact, being single is harder, you have to always be self-sufficient and you always have to ensure you got your own back most of the time. This idea that single people are selfish hasn’t helped me grow further into the career that I really deserved and worked hard in because someone thought that a single woman with children or even married woman with children deserved it more than a single person with no children. I have come to understand that if one person has made it obvious then many people in my path have come to think of it like this, and by observing this, this is a true reality that single people face in the workplace. I wrote this article so that if this is you thinking like this, understand that there’s more that went on in this single person’s life that you won’t ever know just like they won’t ever know what has happened in your life.
The contrary, in today’s world I know many single people who are selfless, not selfish – T. Dench Patel, 22 December 2019, 17:42
Not all singles are mad at career building but if they’re single because they’ve just finished a relationship, need time to work on themselves and what happened in that relationship then anyone will use up some extra time to build a career in their passion even if they end up getting divorced with or without children. We’re living in a world where even married couples figuratively divorce in their marriage so that they can become individuals in their own right so that they can live up their full potential; freedom.
The longer you are single the wiser you become at choosing the partner you deserve – T. Dench Patel, 22 December 2019, 17:55
Look at some of the reasons here why people have remained single.
- A person who has come out of an abusive relationship and doesn’t want to risk their lives again (men also fall in this category).
- Someone’s spouse or partner died.
- The person’s life is already complicated because they have to tend to the elderly or someone who is ill.
- Maybe a person has been in a relationship long enough and left it to discover the world and themselves more.
…
The list goes on.
And so, to conclude
It takes a lot of wrong things to happen to find the right partnership, sometimes a string of bad partnerships to build a foundation with the right partner, and not all people are meant to get married or be in a partnership. It’s a matter of decision, experience and destiny.
More articles
Why people who live single are often the least selfish of all of us
I like this part of the article, “No man is an island and single people can frequently be found swimming the choppy seas.”
Empower yourself to find happiness on your own whether you’re married in a partnership or single
The challenges that single woman face even abroad
Gains, challenges, losses and more insights from a traveller gone for eighteen years
Yours sincerely,
T. Dench Patel
Thank you for the comments and support. Thank you for offering to donate if there was a donate button on here. I prefer not to take donations. You can support by either purchasing one of my books (Paperback or Kindle), The South African: True Colours, The South African: Roamer or my children’s book Light. These books can be found on Amazon mainly and other sites in your country.
The audiobook for The South African: True Colours is available on iTunes, Apple and Audible. The South African: Roamer and Light will be released soon.
Note: Do keep referring back to this site as much as possible, as I grow, a more profound perspective may form and so I will always come back to each of these articles to reevaluate them.
