I am sure that forgiveness is a lifetime question that so many people have because people will keep coming in and out of your life while some are there to stay.
This week this topic has come up for so many people and I kept coming back to the same topic over time with different people myself and have to keep reading different articles to help me on how to get the right perspective for me with regards to forgiveness.
Forgiving can be so difficult when the same person keeps being unreasonable all the time. I will just put out the information that helped me and still helps me to get a perspective on this.
There is such a thin line between someone who keeps making new mistakes to learn yet it affects everyone else to someone who keeps operating from their patterns even when they’re a full-grown adult but isn’t willing to see another person’s perspective or is operating from selfishness, ego and pride.
You can never tell until the mistake has been made or the argument, disagreement has taken place but usually, it’s what happens after that makes you angry, hurt, upset or even decide to cut the person out. The revelation occurs after.
These are the most powerful perspectives that help me to this day. I hope it will help you. If you have anything important to say that can teach us, please leave a comment so that we all can take it on board after reading the article.
- Stay in a place of no judgement as things unfold. In life, you don’t know who you are going to meet. You can’t protect yourself from what you don’t know. You just have to know the tools you have at hand i.e. your intuition and everything you have learnt in your life. You cannot control everything and often experiences teach you to vibrate on a higher level if you’re willing to step up. It’s often no pain no gain but please stop taking the pain from the same person thinking that one day they will change.
- If you have given this person many chances don’t allow them to make you revert back into your old patterns especially if you have known them since you were a child. You might not see them as often. You could have changed, or you have changed and learnt new things in your life while they are still surrounded by the same old same i.e. including their old patterns. Understand it’s not easy for them to change either when people expect them to be the way they know them to be for years. Then again, some people are in denial and don’t want to make an effort to change for the better. Some people have a chance to travel and reset patterns others don’t have the opportunity or others don’t have that spiritual awakening as yet. In these types of situations, you forgive and keep your distance, especially if they test you to revert back into your old patterns. You have come a long way in your life to not go backwards. Minimum contact keeps you at peace and not in negativity.
- With some people, you must leave them to write their own script while you go and write yours. Don’t be pulled into their energy field along with their negative patterns. Once they have you sucked in you will be pulled in a spiral of manipulation, and all sorts of messed up stuff. Stand back, in a safe distance and rather save yourself. They either get it or they don’t and hopefully, with time they will be forced to change, or they will keep continuing on the same path. This is not for you to take on. This is often the case when you’re in a relationship with a narcissist or dealing with a narcissist. Forgive and walk away and if you’re in a situation where you need to get an injunction do not put yourself in harm’s way to utter your forgiveness. Forgiveness can take place through prayer, thoughts, sending positive energy etc.
- Know when enough chances have been given and when to walk away. Walking away is never easy but walking away forgiving gives you the freedom. You release the feelings you’ve been holding onto for all this time. It’s about you, setting you free from it. Remember you too have the right to dignity and healthy pride.
- If the relationship is important to you express your forgiveness.
I am going to leave a link here of this article.
It says the following. I will put it down word for word from the article but do read the whole article on the link.
To learn how to forgive, you must first learn what forgiveness is not. Most of us hold at least some misconceptions about forgiveness. Here are some things that forgiving someone doesn’t mean:
- Forgiveness doesn’t mean you are pardoning or excusing the other person’s actions.
- Forgiveness doesn’t mean you need to tell the person that he or she is forgiven.
- Forgiveness doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have any more feelings about the situation.
- Forgiveness doesn’t mean there is nothing further to work out in the relationship or that everything is okay now.
- Forgiveness doesn’t mean you should forget the incident ever happened.
- Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to continue to include the person in your life.
- … and forgiveness isn’t something you do for the other person.
Here’s another article
Here are some more things I’ve pulled out from reading other articles on forgiveness.
- Revenge might be enticing, but it is also toxic.
- As Confucius said, “Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.”
- This one is by Gladys, “Forgiveness brings healing, and our land needs healing from hatred and violence.”
- Forgiveness is a choice to move on from negativity, no matter how horrifying it seems. Its true purpose is not in absolving the wrongdoer, but in offering catharsis and closure to the wronged. (not sure who wrote this one)
T. Dench Patel